Today's schedule:

7:30, leave to go to the state legislature to go to the senate's appropriation hearing. They're discussing the budget, which actually means they're going to (hopefully only try to) defund Planned Parenthood. Evil shit going down there!

8:30 Senate hearing

12:30 Look for Maria, who will be there to protest defunding cutting Smart Start funding by 20%. (What is this state coming to??)

Not sure when I'll return. But when I get back, I have a couple of jobs to apply for.

A stand-up Guy.

I try to keep up with bills in the NC general assembly that affect adolescent health and well being. Mind you, that's no small feat, because the process of a bill becoming a law is long, drawn-out, and pretty darn opaque.

This session there have been two bills that especially caught my interest: a sex ed bill and an anti-bullying bill. We can talk about the sex ed bill later. There's a lot to say, and it's still not resolved.

Senate Bill 526, which has one of the longest titles (caution: PDF)I've ever seen, passed the House yesterday, and is going to the governor's desk today to be signed. Opponents of the bill were against the inclusion of enumerated categories to point out the youth that are typically most at risk of being bullied. Well, to be more truthful, they were opposed to the fact that the bill included the categories of sexual orientation and gender identity.


The length of the title actually has a strategic purpose; no amendment can be filed that would change the core of the content in the title or some such. They use different language than what I did, but that's the basic point. So for a bill titled "Increase Taxes for alcohol served in restaurants," for example, you can't have an amendment that would increase taxes on both restaurant sales as well as grocery store sales. So with this bill, there could be no amendment taking out the enumerated categories. Make sense?

The real point of me writing about this is to praise a freshman legislator who represents a rural area and who was willing to take a risk voting for this bill and urging others to. The words he spoke to the house when the bill was undergoing debate moved me to tears.

I think it's important to read in context, so I've posted below the entire speech he made, as published by a local news outlet.

From The Independent Weekly Triangulator Blog:

Rep. Darren Jackson, D-Wake:

Thank you, Mr. Speaker. I got a letter from a constituent that I’d like to read a little bit about tonight in this forum. She wrote, I am the mother of a son with autism. I truly cannot comprehend the reluctance of any legislator to pass this bill. Bullies do exist, and they make life miserable for those unable to defend themselves. In a civilized society, why do we allow this?

My son is bright but different. Eccentric some would say. Unfortunately, this difference can be the catalyst for teasing and taunting, sometimes in a subtle form, and sometimes in more flagrant acts involving an emotional and physical violation. I know all too well that children can be cruel. It’s up to the adults in their lives to teach them acceptance and tolerance. Students learn more than academics in school, and part of their education should include how to treat others with respect and dignity and look to peers for support, not how to dodge a fist.

We can begin the process of tolerance tonight by taking a stand against bullying for any reason. I know some of you in this chamber have been having these culture wars for many years. This bill is not about that. At least it shouldn’t be, and it’s not for me. Instead, it’s personal, and I apologize for that.
Friends, God didn’t make us all exactly alike. Sometimes these perceived differences lead to bullying. Maybe the victim is a girl in middle school who is larger than her male counterparts, and likes sports, and is called a tomboy – or worse. Maybe it’s a disabled child with autism who’s called freak, weirdo, or even much worse names and is physically assaulted at school. Maybe it’s your child, your grandchild, your neice or nephew.

Or maybe the victim is a 10-year old little boy who just finished the 5th grade. Maybe he’s real small for his age, the smallest in his class. Maybe he doesn’t like contact sports, but instead loves to dance and sing and perform in the school production. He’s a natural. Maybe he’s a fan of soft colors and likes to wear pink, like his dad. Maybe he’s blessed to have his mother’s good looks and beautiful skin and soft facial features. Maybe he likes to hang out with girls because he’s not rough enough for the boys.
Maybe because of all these things, he’s called sissy boy, gay, homo or even worse.

Perhaps his father is absolutely terrified of what middle school and high school will have in store for such a wonderful little boy. Maybe his parents or his teachers tried to teach him not to act a certain way or to talk about certain interests in front of other boys because it just leads to more bullying. You might say that they encourage him to hide his true personality. And why? Shouldn’t he be free to be himself? He’s not hurting anyone. He should be free to be what God made him. He’s 10. He doesn’t know what he is.

This bill simply says that no child should be bullied even if they are perceived to be poor, or disabled or maybe different. This bill’s about protecting kids; at least, it is for me. If this bill prevents one suicide, or one school violence episode, then it’s a success. If this bill is passed, then it will be a step forward for protecting children – maybe even one close to you.

If you’re going to vote no against this bill, at least be honest with yourself about why you’re doing it.

I’m going to count my vote as yes. And when my daughter and I, who’s serving as page this week, go out to eat and go home tonight, I’m going to go see her little brother, who’ll be in bed asleep. I’m going to lean across that bed and kiss my 10-year old goodnight. And I’m going to know that I voted the right way, the way to protect him and other children like him. And if that costs me my seat in this chamber, then so be it.

Amazing, isn't it?

Eat the View, that's right!

HELL YEAH!

From excellent to yicky in less than a week!

I haven't talked about the election returns yet, have I? Suffice to say that overall I'm extremely pleased.

Some specifics:
1) No more Liddy Dole. My mom and my friend Michele both called me* when that race was called. Not only did I (figuratively) wish to spit on the woman who took over the seat of another loathesome guy, but I was also very proud to vote for Kay Hagan. She has some sound ideas about sustainable ag and local foods, and I'll always love her for her support of raw milk. Have you tasted that goodness yet? It's a gorgeous sensation.
2) Obama. I doubt I have to say much about this to any of you, but I'm even more impressed that he's planning to recind many of the immoral policies Bush implemented. I volunteered on election day in a county that eventually went for McCain. I didn't do very much at all, but I was glad I took the day off.
3) Anti-choice initiatives failed. Thank goodness.
4) Can you say NC is blue? Yes! Me too!
5) Bad news: Proposition 8 in California passed, as did a number of other anti-gay initiatives. Gotta love people taking away civil rights, ya know?

I spent the night at my friend Ian's place, after going to the NC Dems victory celebration downtown. The energy there (as well as some champagne) gave me a fantastic buzz, and there were celebrations in the streets. So wonderful. Walking downtown the next morning I was so grateful to see people still beaming and making small talk in the street with strangers about how happy they were.

The next day I met with the group of teens I work with, and they were excited as well. They did share some unfortunate experiences documenting the racial tension that still exists even now. I'd expected as much, sadly, so I had prepared a "teachable moment" plan and showed them The Children's March. I was so proud to hear them talk about ways they have already and could continue to stand up to bigotry as it happens today.

So yeah, election week rocked.

But.

There always has to be a but, doesn't there?

Yesterday started out well. I was super productive and did dishes, cooked, and gardened. I'm landscaping most of the front yard, and I realized at Maria's birthday party the night before that I really had to get the irises in that Jamie and the s.o. gave me back over labor day weekend.

While I was doing this, though, I noticed an oddity on the street. Someone had pulled up in front of the house next door for a bit, and then turned around and parked again, this time directly across the street from me. I was a bit oblivious at first, though I did wonder briefly what this person was doing. Were they lost?

Nah. It was a young guy who decided to jerk off to my yardwork. Once I figured that out, I walked out in the street towards him a bit, but really more towards the back of the car. To get the plate number, see? And I did. I got the entire plate number, even before he peeled out. The police were very nice, and I felt strong, proud, and confident. I was happily surprised that my reaction was so matter-of-fact and oriented towards justice. I didn't show him any response beyond first being puzzled and then calmly (not even forced calm...I was zenned out) observing and memorizing as much info about the situation as I could. I emailed two neighborhood listservs with the details as well, and many residents cheered me.

Unfortunately, that pride and calm dissipated as the night wore on, taking me to a place of fear and worry. What if he retaliated? What if he broke in or vandalized my car? My god, he knows where I live, after all. What if Bubba's barking (Loud! Mean-sounding!) compelled this asswipe (and the friends I imagined would accompany him) to shoot Bubba?

I read By the Shores of Silver Lake last night, and didn't contain my tears when Jack died in his sleep.

I'm going to the police department in the morning to check on their progress. I've contacted local sexual violence crisis centers for advice and support. I can't imagine the horror that a more serious act of sexual violence would be like. I'm glad I haven't had to. This was gross enough.

Lotta tags for this post, hm?

*Michele actually texted me, and I then called her.

Last time the victory wasn't so much of one. I hope this time it is!

This is where I'll be spending part of the evening tonight. Then I'm crashing at a friend's house, where we'll watch the presidential results roll in.

Is Obama President Yet?

I'm going to keep checking this site today!

Civil Duty

Dear Stew Readers (all 20 of you.)

Today I took a personal day. I got up nice and early and went to my polling place to find some neighbors who could direct me to a volunteer need. Locally they have more volunteers than they even need. I believe "glut" was the word they used. So instead, I'm going to go north to a smaller, more rural district at about noon. They are lacking volunteers, and frankly, I'm hoping we can do more good there anyway. I know people in my neighborhood are voting Obama almost without exception. Up there? Not so much.

I'm really, really excited about what may happen today. Please please please let it be Obama. Locally, let's get Dole out of Washington in favor of Kay Hagan (who, btw, advocates for raw milk!)

And please let it be No on Prop 8 in California, as well as No on Prop 4. And I'm begging that South Dakota reject Measure 11. And in Colorado, please quash Amendment 48. Arizona, keep your constitution off the rights of the queer brothers and sisters I stand up with.

I'm sure there are more ballot measures that I oppose or support, but for me right now, it's time to get ready for action here in NC.

Love,
Stew

Seriously

Today I voted. I was voter number 1291, and my site had been open for about 8 hours. I took my time, double and triple checking to make sure I got everything right. I didn't expect to be nervous.

I pride myself on being a pretty informed voter. The judges always confound me, of course, but I have trustworthy advisers for that sort of thing. I was caught a bit off guard by a food tax initiative. Do I want a 1% prepared food tax, or do I not? I hadn't even heard of the issue. It was pretty clear to me even without knowing what it was about that no, I didn't want an additional tax on food. Food tax just seems wrong. I did check, though, with some of my neighbors, who were outside the polls with sample ballots. God, I love this town. My intuition was right--no food tax.

Normally when I vote, there aren't that many other people there. Today, maybe because it's the first day of early voting, I could barely fit into the polling place. There wasn't a long line, but voters were crammed into every little space. It was a bit chaotic, actually.

After the machine sucked in my completed ballot and the counter changed from 1290 to 1291, I took my sticker and walked back outside. I was surprised to notice the lump in my throat. I looked around at my neighbors. Not just the ones who live in the square mile or so that marks my immediate neighborhood, but at all the others who live in the city proper.

My eyes welled up. My city has mobilized, and it makes me proud to live here.

I'll wear my sticker tomorrow to the conference where I'm presenting. Every little bit helps, you know?



(Oh, and this:)




(And this)

Soooooo

Remember how last week that guy came to my house and I called the DOJ on him?

Yeah.

Apparently the press picked it up, and someone's coming by to film me this morning. Beer + Sleeping over at Cristin's (kitties!) = how the hell do I get rid of these eye bags??

Bad alarm sales scams make good neighbors

Last night a guy showed up on my doorstep wearing a uniform of sorts, including a logoed shirt and lanyard with a photo ID. He was selling, erm, "giving away" alarm systems, because "We're all concerned about crime here."

Actually, dude, we're as much concerned with scammers who prey on people's sense of security.

I observed his name, badge number, physical description and emailed out to the neighborhood listserv about it. Many of my neighbors responded and encouraged me to call the police. I did, but they didn't seem very interested. They said they'd send out a patrol to take my statement, but they didn't.

This morning, our community association president passed this message on to the listserv:

Folks on the Partners Against Crime (II) listerv are posting messages about this company coming door to door in their neighborhoods. This update was posted on the PAC2 listserv last night...

> The NC Dept. of Justice is already investigating these alarm company scammers and actually has APX before a review board right now. There are about six different security companies involved in these scams and they're working with the states of VA and SC to obtain information and press charges. Under investigation, these companies have to provide proof of their company background, financial information, proof of training, etc. Based on the scams and the deceptive practices, they are going after them for felony charges (false practices) and criminal warrants.

Once the state is able to press charges, they will issue a cease and desist order so the company cannot operate anywhere in the state. If they continue to operate, it will be taken to the Superior Court and a restraining order established.

What they need to help build the case against these companies are specific complaints from residents. Paul Mason [City of Durham] got Mr. Liggins from the NC Dept. of State who was pleased to receive additional information/ complaints to help him build his case. If you've had experience with ANY security company selling door-to-door with deceptive practices, excessive pressure, ANYTHING that doesn't seem right about them, please forward the information directly to Mr. Liggins of the NC State Department of Justice: lliggins@ncdoj. gov.

Within six minutes of forwarding my complaint to the DOJ, I had an email back. Within 15 minutes, I had a call from the investigator, who was leaving Raleigh to cruise the area looking for this guy and to bring me a formal written complaint to file.

Dude. That's service.

Surely you can do better...

Change the US Federal budget to what YOU want it to be!Be a Budget Hero.

p.s., If the link doesn't start the game appropriately, click here and try accessing it from the June 9th post called Budget Hero.

(When *I* changed it, we had fully funded universal healthcare, were saving the environment, social security was funded, pork was eliminated, kids were getting more appropriate and better education, we were out of iraq, and many, many other fabulous changes. And we had a budget that was sustainable, and entirely in the black. Hint: repeal Bush's tax cuts.)

So there's this Swedish guy...

HA HA HA HA!! Not like *that*! I wish...

Anyway.

Yesterday when I came home from work, my neighbor was sitting on his porch with another guy and called me over to introduce me. His visitor is a Swedish photojournalist, who's traversing the country in search of the Real America to share with the 500,000 people who read the biggest newspaper in his country. He said he basically wanted to present the United States that's not known to outsiders, and has been/will be making several trips to meet and interview people all over the country. I think he said that so far he's been to DC, and maybe NYC? He'll be here for a bit longer, and I agreed to let him interview me.

In fact, actually, he's going to interview me at the legislature tomorrow, where I'll be participating in an HIV Advocacy Day, sponsored by one of my fave organizations in the state. Since he's mostly only interviewed white men in the 25-40 range, I figured I could whomp* up enough others at this event so that he'll get a broader picture than he already has.

Other than that, I don't really know what he'll be asking me. He interviewed Neighbor yesterday evening, after we'd all sat on the porch for a bit with Next Door Neighdog (who drank all my water, thankyouverymuch), just chatting. I'd gone home by the time the actual interview happened, so I'm looking forward to what he has to say!

Seems like a cool guy and a cool project. I'm not positive he'll come up with what he's looking for, given how pervasive our culture seems to be elsewhere. But I'm more than happy to help.

I just want to be HEAAAAAAAAARD!

*Whomp up alternate definition: find, come up with, throw together.

Crazy Making

Did I mention I've been working a lot??? 10 more hours today. The day ended with me walking with overweight teens in high humidity until 5, at which time I boogied across town with the windows open, frantically hoping my sweat would dry, for a "State of the County's Public Health" forum. I was a bit disappointed that I didn't hear about the forum until yesterday (and then only via a forward of someone else's forwarded invite), considering that we set the county agenda tonight for the next few years.

I came out of there both depressed and invigorated. Depressed because my agency apparently has so little visibility in the community as to have been overlooked with a direct invitation. Invigorated because the workgroup I was in set some kick-ass priorities: 1) to increase effective prevention efforts for communicable diseases (i.e. STDs including HIV/AIDS) and 2) to implement strong advocacy measures at all levels (*cough* state law *cough* schools *cough*) to eliminate barriers (*cough* abstinence until marriage *cough*) to service delivery.

Oh, and I don't think I like fava beans very well. They're bitter. I have a lot of them. Crap.

It's done

So I voted this morning. I know many who voted early, but I'll tell you, I LOVE voting the day of. There's such fantastic community where I live, and it's really a social activity as well as one of civic responsibility.

I ate the donuts. I drank the coffee. I talked with neighbors about some of my yet-undecided races. I saw the 17-year-old voting for his first time. I met a new dog.

For the most part, I think I made well informed decisions. Cool.

Safe, legal and rare.

Just short of two years before after I was born*, the supreme court decision of Roe v. Wade made abortion legal throughout the US.

Let's mark the 35th anniversary of that by acknowledging the lives saved by that court, who determined that abortion is a fundamental right under the US constitution.

And please, do everything you can to protect that.

*Wishful thinking??

Pain

For once it's not my own pain.

Suicide just touched me, if indirectly. I heard soft crying coming from my colleague's office, but thought it was a patient out in the hall and so tuned it out. Then another coworker came in to my office, slightly frantic, for my kleenex and told me what was going on. We got some help, canceled my coworker's duties for the day, and I waited in the office until we got my coworker into the hands of someone who could help better than we could.

Depression to the point of suicide is something I can't fathom. I'm really, really lucky that my suffering, as bad as it's been, has never reached that point. Suicidal ideation, yeah. It's been that bad before, and it's that bad now. But with me it's never been to the point where there was a plan, much less a successful one. With me it's been fleeting thoughts, benign when compared to other people, really. Suicide and attempts in general happen as a way to get rid of the pain, to escape the very, very real pain that comes along with major depression. When I'm suffering enough, what goes through my head isn't exactly thoughts of killing myself, but rather a more vague desire to just not exist. Thankfully, I am able to see this as a very worrying sign and get the help I need. (Like the ongoing care of my doctor, who I see tomorrow.)

Thinking about the degree of pain and isolation that friend of my colleague's must have gone through, to be in a place where the only viable option seemed to be death, reminds me to be grateful for what I have. For what I've accomplished through my own hard work. For medication. For the support I get from professionals, family, friends, coworkers, dogs, and pictures of baby animals.

I feel good today. I know the pain I've been feeling will pass, and I know I'm not as bad off as I could be and have been before. I'm strong, and I can share this pain with other people, so that I don't have to shoulder it all myself. I can reach out in a way that others, the ones who are the ultimate casualties, cannot. I'm lucky.

One of the things I feel most passionate about is the mental health situation in society, and today with a level head, balanced between the logical and the emotional, I want to just remind myself and anyone who reads this, that there is NOTHING wrong with getting help.

And I want to ask you to do as I do, and fight like fucking crazy to support people like me, my colleague's friend, and the legions of people I know have dealt with depression. Talk about it openly when you can. Be strong like me and others who work to reduce the stupid stigma that goes along with illnesses of the brain and emotions. I suspect I'm preaching to the choir here, but it just eats me up to see all the ways that mental health treatment and prevention are marginalized. Insurers and societal attitudes are forces that are tough to change, but I've seen so much progress over the last 20 years that I feel hope now.

Take care of yourself. Take care of others. Fight.

I'm strong as hell.

Forgive the spelling...

Wanna hear something depressing?

I was listening to NPR today, and one of the commenters/hosts/whatever asked the other one what s/he thought about the Jena 6 situation, given that the latter was African-American. I think Host 1 framed it in a "what have y'all been hearing around dinner tables" kind of way. Host 2 answered, and I recall being a) annoyed on Host 2's behalf for being treated like THE speaker for the African-American community and b) surprised at my own reaction to learning Host 2's race.

I guess with radio I really don't think about the person unless they have a non-standard voice or name or both.

Silvia Pugioli (if that's how it's spelled) is one that DOES stand out. I picture her with long, grey-flecked hair, tied back and with a scarf on one shoulder folded in a triangle. She's olive-skinned and doesn't much do makeup. Age 55ish.

There's also a Latina woman who doesn't anglicize the pronunciation of her name. I think she's based in California. I could google it, but that would take too much effort, and effort is one thing I'm lacking right now. I perceive her as younger--30s. (Shit. It bothered me too much. I'm referring to Lourdes Garcia-Navarro).

Diane Rheem (See? Radio makes you illiterate, too! I have no idea how any of these names are written) has a distinctive voice, as does the guy who does The Connection, oops I mean The Story--Dick Gordon, innit? Karl Castle, too.

I have no idea what any of them look like. I felt weird for not knowing that Host 2 was black. I felt bad that I lacking other identifying information I was assuming all of these people were white. (I also picture them as beautiful, despite the phrase a face made for radio). And they almost without exception are in their 50s. Not Karl Castle, he's older. As an aside, I'm purposely NOT looking names up for spelling, in order to make a point, and it will annoy me if you "correct" me. I'll likely look them up myself, to try to alleviate the extra-super annoyance I'm already feeling. (Thanks, Current Strong Bout of Depression!)

I haven't gotten to the depressing part yet. That came when I googleimagesearched Host 2 to see what s/he looked like.

Way too many sites linking to a picture of Host 2 were racist, bigoted, right wing, wackjob outfits. I know NPR is considered lefty among the freaky conservative set, but this host is being attacked mostly just for being black. I know it happens. I guess I just have been successful in avoiding people and places that are so fucked up as to impugn someone based on race. These websites felt purely evil...I wanted to wash my hands afterwards, I felt so dirty.

I just went back to see if my emotional memory of this imagesearch matched with my currently cooler head. It doesn't. In fact, it sounds like this host is pretty much reviled by sectors in both the white and black communities.

I guess my point is that racial issues are weird and people who judge based on race piss me off. And that it pisses me off about myself that I do it, too, in assuming whiteness based on name and voice only. It's a little thing, and I'm not exactly down on myself about it, but it did piss me off about the world.

But then again, I'm either pissed off, overwhelmed, pissing others off, fleeing personal interaction, extremely sensitive, and/or crying these days.

Reprinted with Permission from the Watts Hillandale Neightborhood Association listserv

Dear citizens,

I have observed urban chickens standing on corners trying to push illegal corn feed to innocent visiting chickens from the country as well as leaving it in plain site of our children. It has also been observed that urban chickens violate traffic laws as I noticed them traveling the wrong way around traffic circles while fleeing from prosecution from the chicken police for chicken misdemeanors to chicken felonies. Urban Chickens are know for trespassing, public disturbances, public defecation, j-walking, fleeing and eluding, threatening behavior to smaller chicks, and public lewd and lascivious behavior, and other disturbing urban chicken behaviors best left in the country.

They set a bad example for our domesticated animals and thus should be incarcerated in a maximum security chicken pen-itentiary under strict supervision of correctional officers (the fox) of the pen-itentiaries and isolation from the public for the protection of public safety and innocent country chicken corruption. Most incarcerated chickens are hardened by their confinement and while in incarceration learn more criminal chicken activities. They pose a risk to innocent chickens being lured into a life of criminal chicken crimes and rampant chicken gang induced violations in our community.

Please help keep our streets safe from these gangs of chickens from infiltrating our peaceful community. I have noticed different varieties of chickens gathering into groups. We do not need more gang chicken violence spreading filth into our communities. It is a statistic that different chicken gangs are already having wars over the heinous and illegal habit of chicken feed distribution. Chickens are incarcerated in pen-itentiaries from the cities and other populated communities for a reason.

Parole of chickens has proven a high rate of crime in areas they flee. Reincarceration is inevitable after they flock to neighboring communities creating pandemonium and illegal distribution of chicken feed. These criminal chickens should all be fried!!!!!

Please help keep our streets safe.....to quote Nancy Reagan "Just say no".

Dr. Cluck PHD.
The Domesticated Animal Rights Association of Durham

KERFUFFLE

I'm not one to challenge people's thoughts very often, especially people I don't know. I'm of the mind that people have some pretty strong opinions, and I'm willing to say what I think and why, but I'm not going to go all out to change their minds.

It's not worth it, typically, and it is pretty unpleasant to do. People can be assholes.

Especially on the internets. With this hen petition thingy, there's been quite a response on local Durham listservs. Local blogs have mentioned it, too. On the neighborhood listservs, people have strong opinions both ways, but haven't been too over the top in how they communicate their beliefs. Anonymous blog commenters are another story. Anonymous comments tend to be pretty obnoxious.

That's nothing new, though is it?

Bok Bok--Durham Advocacy for Backyard Chickens!

Hey. I need your help.

I want good eggs and some cute chickens! Currently it's illegal in Durham to keep them. Would you please help me out? I'll share the wealth of eggs should I get me some chickies.

You're not obligated to be from Durham, I don't believe, but if you are, it would be great to indicate that. The names and addresses end up being visible, so if you'd prefer some privacy, just put City, ZIP.

If you'd like to talk to me a little bit more about the benefits of happy eggs and backyard chickens, please do comment here or email me directly. I've a gmail account name of lastewie.

See below, and spread the WORD!


Dear Friends,

I have just read and signed the online petition:

"Chickens in Durham"

hosted on the web by PetitionOnline.com, the free online petition
service, at:

http://www.PetitionOnline.com/backyard/

I personally agree with what this petition says, and I think you might
agree, too. If you can spare a moment, please take a look, and consider
signing yourself.

Best wishes,

Stew