Solve this mystery!

Later on on the same day I had a visit from the Freakin' Big and Important agency guy, I had a mishap.

What do you think happened? I'd love to hear your conjecture!

Ugh.

Guess who called?

Guess who answered?

(rolling eyes at myself)

On stress and poultry

Year: 1999
Setting: Townhouse, College Town, NC
Event: Out-of-Season Turkey Dinner, complete with Fixins (Capital F)
Invitees: Several close friends, and a few of their friends.

Situation: I had rescued a frozen turkey one March, from a man who was carrying it to the dumpster at my doctor's office. It had been in their freezer since DECEMBER! The HORROR!

Problem #1: The turkey was done 2 hours before it was supposed to be.
Problem #2: The guests were an hour later than they were supposed to be.
Problem #3: I hadn't yet learned that not every crisis merits a full fight-or-flight response.

Resolution: Upon the guests' arrival, I shoved a fork and carving knife into the nearest hand (which happened to be a guy I'd never met) and told the lot to "Shut up and cut the fucking turkey!"

Hoo boy!

I felt a little of that same feeling yesterday as I finalized this weekend's camping trip details. All of a sudden the friends accompanying me started to have input into the decisions I'd made in their stead, having lacked much helpful feedback until that time.

Why are we doing it this way?
Why not go here instead?
Is it worth going, if the drought is so bad?
Oh man, we'll have to portage some of it!
Don't canoes hold like, 1200 lbs? Why pack light?

I'd spent way, way too much time carefully planning the best course of action to react logically and calmly to these questions. I hid my irritation as best I could, but did tell a friend that I was having a "Shut up and cut the fucking turkey" moment. He'd been there to see that fabulous moment, so he knew exactly what I meant. He stepped up and planned out a menu for the trip.

It's going to be worth it, right?

OF COURSE IT IS! Whee!

Co-existence

Uh, Marc?

Thanks for cleaning my kitchen when you came over to use my washer and dryer. Sorry it was so messy.

:::cringe:::

Bizarro-land

Yesterday at work I went to an event. Remember how I cloaked it with hopefully non-searchable terms? Yeah. That event.

It was absolutely fantastic. I saw colleagues from my former job who greeted me with hugs and "I'm so glad you're back!" I caught up with them; I knew as many or more people there than the current person who will oversee my work, who accompanied me and five of the youth that we took there. So far REALLY so good with this experience, y'all!

There was one really, extremely crazy-odd situation though. As we seven (kids, me, boss) walked into the auditorium, there was this guy sitting in there, alone with his laptop. He looked at me. I looked at him. He seemed vaguely familiar and was STARING at me. As I typically do when I feel like I should know someone, I greeted him and introduced myself.

"Hello there! You look REALLY familiar. I'm Stewie McStewerson, and I work for NonProfit Organization here in State County."

"Stewie, It's Steve N."

My mind started racing. Who is Steve N.? Steve N? Is it my freshman year in high school boyfriend? I had heard he'd moved to my state to practice medicine. Was it the former development guy at Other NonProfit Organization? That guy was tall, too, and it would make sense for him to be here at this event. Or maybe it's that total asswipe from my freshman year of college. Could it be?

Suddenly it clicked. Steve N! I told all my companions, "Hey, y'all this is totally crazy! Steve N. is a friend of mine from college and I haven't seen him in years!"

Steve N. looked at me funny. Then it *truly* clicked. Steve N. was NOT a friend from college; he was a former boyfriend from when I first moved here from the northeast where I had been teaching high school. At the time he was in his first year of medical school. I don't remember what happened between us, but we clearly remained friends at the end of it all.

Steve and I had a lot of friends in common back then. I had met him through an extremely close friend from my hometown who had also gone to the same university as I did. She and I were roommates. After college I went to the northeast to teach, and she came south. I taught at a private boarding school; she taught through a nation-wide teaching program that brings recent college graduates into underserved populations. Rural areas. Urban inner-cities.

Steve and I exchanged cards and caught each other up on our lives. He's an M.D. (not surprisingly), and has specialized in adolescent medicine. He runs two low-cost clinics up in the mountains of my state, where he lives with his wife and 18 month old. We had lunch along with my boss, and talked about our shared interest in access to quality health care and health information for our youth. He reminded me of how my sister had gotten pretty angry with him one time for calling her place of work at that time a cult. (He was right, though)
Meeting up with him inspired me to touch base with those friends from that time of my life. They live all over. Atlanta, Los Angeles, and even my town. I made several emails and phone calls when I got home last night.

I still don't remember what went down with us. Steve N. made reference to when "we were trying to figure out what we were," but that still doesn't ring any bells with me. We laughed about my awkward memory, but I didn't let on just HOW much he'd escaped my mind.

It was a seriously crazy day. Fun, but crazy.

My not-so-interesting life

Hi. Did I mention I got stopped by the police for the second time in under a year? When I'd NEVER been stopped before that? Yeah, I did. And? It was for the same thing; my little black Honda's registration expired on 12-15-06, yet I had not received a renewal form in the mail.

Apparently in New Town of Residence, an expired registration "usually means the car is stolen," according to the nice cop who stopped me. I was so nervous, for some reason. She let me off with a warning, since the "registration actually came back to [me]". She was so young and petite. She wore a wedding ring. If I were so tiny, I'd be scared of stopping people after dark. But I guess that's why I'm not a cop. Or tiny for that matter.

I felt like I had messed up, and I really couldn't figure out what had gone wrong. I went to renew the registration the following day, and the DMV told me that I had neglected to pay the taxes on the car. Hm. Not true, I thought. WAAAAIIIIIT. That's right. I had written the check for the wrong amount; $2.72 less than I owed. Gah.

Anyway, after one trip to County Seat and then back to DMV, $35.72 poorer, I am now legal again. But I have another problem. My hair.

It's begun to get greasy not 24 hours after washing. I know lots of people who go 2, 3, 4 days with one hair wash. I have dry skin! This shouldn't happen. WAAH!

Oh my...if this is the worst of my worries, I've got it pretty good. (Of course it's not. It's just easier to bitch about than the deeper worries!) I still have it a lot better than other people.

SUCK it up, STEW!

Boy howdy

I didn't go out last night at all. I missed both Crazy John's party and the benefit. Earlier, I was really excited, but then when the time came I just lay on the bed with the laptop on my stomach reading Fark. (Now, THAT is bad!) I also ate my weight in spinach pie and some less-healthy foodstuffs as well.

That "Maybe I just don't need to leave the house" thing is rearing its head again, I'm afraid. So in just a second I'm going to go birding for the first time in a month. It's NOT COOL to leave aside the things you like! So yeah. I hope I see something new out there this morning.

I think I just figured out in part why I didn't go out last night. I was afraid. I was afraid I'd run into people at the benefit that would ask me what I'm doing and I'd have to respond that "Oh, no, I'm not working. What a blast!" John's would have been different. Less pressure and all. But still, the thought of facing so many people I don't know overruled the guilt I knew I'd feel if I didn't go. But at least I don't think I was missed.

Related: I have a trick to help when I feel self-conscious about x issue in my life (body, intelligence, job, awkwardness, not going to a party and feeling guilty about it). I try to remember that despite MY concentration on everything about myself that could be found lacking, other people aren't so fascinated in me and probably aren't thinking twice about the things that worry me. And then I say, you know what? They're probably so caught up in their own shit that they aren't even considering how *I* may have messed up. Cut yourself a break, Stew!

Unfortunately that technique was not enough to get me out last night.

Move along...nothing to see here. Just some inconsequential dreck about my failings. And a simmering concern that not only is this entry stupidly uninteresting to other people who may read here, but also that it will prompt people to be all "It's OK! You're a winner! People value you!" which will make my teeth fall out.