Saturday, June 23, 2007

All together now: AWWWWWWWW

I've been deeply lonesome for some time. There's a distinct lack of intimacy in my life on any level at all. Most of the time I accept it pretty stoically, but from time to time it just kills me.

Today I helped a friend move. I hadn't seen this group of friends in toto for a long while, so there was lots of catch-up to play. For some reason, I openly copped to being pretty sick of my loner status. The more I thought about it, the more I kind of felt pretty shitty, and then I almost cried. Remembering it makes me teary, too!

On the way home from the move (which, aside: OY! they got the truck stuck!) I thought about moving back to Michigan, because at least there I'd have my family around. Even with my very extra super closest friends I have some kind of barrier to intimacy. I don't have anyone I can call no matter what time of day or night it is. I mean, that's not strictly true. I don't have anyone that I'd feel OK with calling, though. I know that's about me. That's not about my friends. I bet that any and every last one would be OK with a middle-of-the-night emergency call. I mean, shoot, I'd be happy to help in the same situation.

When I mentioned it to my mom, the maybe, what-if, huh, should I thoughts towards going back to where I've vowed I'd never go back again, she jumped with excitement. Audibly, anyway.

I dunno. The growing season is SO short. The people are SO conservative. The town is SO boring. The economy is SO shitty. But the wilderness is equally beautiful. And my family is even more important. And face it, how can you not miss THIS?


Well, I did get to hold a very cute baby last weekend who made it her job to give everyone kisses.

That was good.