Aren't you jealous?

Reason #1: I now own a travel mug from the Law Offices of James Scott Farrin*. "Call the HurtLine!"
Reason #2: I have my performance evaluation coming up. This always inspires fun.
Reason #3: I've recently been in a situation where I am forced to overhear long, chatty conversations about topics that I find vapid, frankly. It's grating on my nerves very, very badly. Especially since the prosody of the speech is inextricably linked to the part of my brain that causes annoyance.

*Non-local readers note: this is a personal injury law practice that is famous for over-the-top ads airing during daytime TV. I feel famous.