Note to self

Dear Stew:
Before you leave today, make sure you do all these things. You'll feel better and be happier upon your return.

• Water the garden. You'll be gone for a week. Water it deep!
• Email the neighborhood gardeners and offer up any and all cucumbers that will be ripening. Since you've been getting (and eating) 3-5 nicely sized pickling cukes every DAY, you might want to just offer them up. Tomatoes? NO! Make that clear.
  
• Take out the trash and recycling. You're so bad at remembering this. It's a good thing you're cute.
  
• Pack. Don't forget your meds, your glasses, and a bathing suit. Anything else could be purchased on the fly, but really you don't want to do that, so be mindful of what clothes your activities will require.
  
• Road Food: pick all cucumbers you can find to take with you. Also bring your new cooler and the ice packs.
• Tie up your tomatoes again, with more stakes. Next year use your large tomato cages for your indeterminates.
• Map your route and print at work. You don't have a printer.
  
• Return emails from your roommate search. Explain to people coming from other countries that you really need to meet the person before you decide.
  
• Note to the next-door-neighdog's person: thanks for offering to take the mail in. Feel free to eat cucumbers.
  
• Mow lawn? If there's time...otherwise it will be extreme when you come back.
• Make bed. Clear the kitchen table. Wash all dishes. Put all paperwork in one location. The floor next to the front door is not an appropriate receptacle. Put shoes away. Clear off bathroom counters. Basically, CLEAN THE FUCK UP!
  
• Figure out if there's any construction along the way that you should avoid at all costs.
  
• Buy a razor for your legs, since your other torture device isn't particularly effective on the wispy leg hairs. The coarse ones? All gone. Unfortunately the legs are not smooth. You want smooth. I know you don't want to, but please consider the bikini zone. If not for yourself then for others. You are bringing your suit, you know.
  
• Take the bottles and cans out of your car. Again, your recycling is admirable, but it's not fun to have the entire passenger seat floorboard covered. That's where you need to stash your cooler and such.
  
• Call your stepmother. She needs you.
  

Love,

Stew