Wednesday, May 16, 2007

And a chorus of angels sings...

Today felt really good.

I wasn't tired. At all. I concentrated fabulously, I got tons done, and I was exceedingly clear-headed in doing so. No anxiety messed with me, nor pervasive feelings of inadequacy. There were some not-so-great moments, and no moments of extreme giddiness.

I'm depressed.

You see, today is what normal is supposed to be. Some ups, some downs, and overall pleasant.

Now that I'm home from work, I'm not immediately escaping to my bed and shutting out the world, as per usual these days. I'm actually out on my front porch enjoying the pre-mosquito late spring evening, finally matching the song sparrow to its song. My nose is itchy, cause allergies absolutely BITE, but I'll deal.

What is the most fantastic, though? Is that I'm. Not. Tired. Today I was not a walking zombie!

I have been SO TIRED for the past several months. Just dead exhausted, barely coherent, not able to concentrate, muddy-headed, stupid-feeling and overall incapable of day-to-day functioning.

Unable to cook, unable to clean, unable to do anything beyond sleep, wake up, shower, dress, and get myself to work. I've been putting all my energy into work, so that I make a decent impression and all.

This isn't even close to the worst I've ever been depressed, and it feels like it's just a few changes away from being done with. You know, changes like exercising, eating healthier and, um, a slight medication tweak.

I made the meds tweak today. HUGE difference.

(I feel compelled to add that no, it's not the placebo effect, because we're not talking about a medication that takes weeks to work. And though I'm not hiding the name of the med that has helped me so much, neither do I want it up here on the blog. Feel free to email me. Talking about depression openly is one of my goals in life. Stigma reduction and all that.)

Oh, and p.s.? I had three lengthy visits yesterday from someone (or maybe plural?) at Alticor in Ada, Michigan. They got here by seeing what sites had linked to one of their websites in particular. Do you think I'm going to get taken out some evening when it's dark?