Sin Noticias de Stew

2011-06-18T08:42:00.002-04:00

So...I basically did nothing yesterday other than volunteer and wash sweaters. This means I have a rough day on my hands! Doesn't look like much, but really it is.

Laundry
Clean kitchen (Floors, too? We'll see!)
Lawn

2011-06-17T07:35:00.004-04:00

Yesterday I got most of the things done, if half-heartedly. Went to lunch with a friend, which was awesome. Got some more of my sweaters washed. Swiffered under my bed, cleared off (most of) the crap from the surfaces in the bedroom, but didn't dust there (yet).

Today:
Volunteer in seekrit.
Lunch with friend.
Clean kitchen, including floors (!!)
Final wash of sweaters.
Laundry.
Lawn mowing.

Tomorrow my parents are coming to visit visit, so it's the final push to Decently Clean House.

2011-06-16T09:58:00.004-04:00

Another day of getting things done! Only thing I didn't complete is the sweater washing, but that's just because I have to do it in shifts. I only have a few places I can lay them out to dry.

Today:
Lunch with a friend.
Wash more sweaters.
Clean off top of dressers in bedroom.
Put shoes away in bedroom.
Make bed.
Swiffer under bed.
Dust surfaces in bedroom.

2011-06-15T07:53:00.003-04:00

Got everything done yesterday I said I would!
Kimchi is fermenting, made a few more passes through the den, cleaned the kitchen back up, had lunch with friend (very excellent thing to do), and even went back up to the attic to store a cooler and bring down a fan. I applied for a few jobs!

Today:
Unload dishwasher
Take recycling and trash to curb
FINISH the den and vacuum.
Wash sweaters to put away for the summer.
Mend sweaters that need it.
Make appointments for volunteering gig.
Apply for one more job.

2011-06-14T08:22:00.003-04:00

Got everything done I said I would yesterday!!

Cleaned the kitchen up, put the suitcases up, made a couple of sweeps through the den, and set up three lunch dates! Awesome.

Today:
Lunch with a friend.
Make more sweeps through den. This gets progressively harder.
Korean market for gochugaru, napa cabbage and spring onions.
Make kimchi.
Clean kitchen back up because I'll mess it up for sure.

2011-06-13T07:08:00.004-04:00

Yesteday was TOO low key! I ended up messing up the kitchen terribly, so that will have to be on the to-do list today. Also, putting my suitcases up in the attic has proven to be difficult. I have some kind of block about it. So I'll make sure to do that first thing.

I harvested 16 heads of garlic yesterday. YAY! I have them set up on a table with a fan blowing over them to cure them as best as possible. Last year I bought two heads from the farmer's market with the express purpose of using them for seed, but they went bad.

My garden in general though is sad sad sad. It's basically 95% weeds with a few scraggly tomato plants that I haven't even tied up yet. This is partially because I'm overwhelmed with it, partially because I have had a hard time motivating, and partially because I screwed up my back about a month ago.

So on to today's to-do list:

• Put suitcases up in attic.
• Clean kitchen: load dishes, do dishes, clean counters, clear off table.
• Make at least one pass through the den, with the express purpose of putting things away that already have a place. I'm going to feel free to leave the things that I don't know where they go.
• Renew library materials or return them.
••••Find something with interpersonal interaction to do today!••••

2011-06-12T11:59:00.003-04:00

Yesterday's accomplishments:

Cleaned out car.
Washed car.
Unloaded dishwasher, did hand-washed dishes, put away, cleaned kitchen.
Went to Char's for party.
Watched 2 documentaries.

Today's goals:
Make canned pineapple jello mold jello (for fun)
Clean kitchen up again
Put meds in med planner.

Today's going to be a low-key day.

2011-06-11T07:03:00.003-04:00

Glad I'm not trying to get traffic here. This has to be excruciatingly boring for other people. It's really just a way to keep track of what I'm trying to get done now, though.

Yesterday:
Job searched
Ran the dishwasher (didn't unload)
Put the sheets on all the beds.
Straightened the guest bedroom.
Swiffered the guest bedroom and living room.

Today:
Clean out the car. (BIG task!)
Put suitcases up in attic.
Unload dishes.
Go to Char-Char's for party.

Update: The BIG TASK of cleaning the car took all of 20 minutes. Heh.

2011-06-10T07:02:00.003-04:00

Yesterday's accomplishments:
Spent the morning getting healthcare
Washed sheets in both bedroom and guest bedroom
Socialized at happy hour.

Today's goals
Meeting this a.m. to coordinate some volunteer stuff.
Put sheets back on beds.
Run and unload dishwasher.
Put suitcases up in attic.
Straighten guest bedroom.
Sweep/swiffer living room.
Put away extraneous crap on kitchen table and around kitchen.

2011-06-09T12:56:00.005-04:00

Yesterday's accomplishments:
Guest bath cleaned.
4 loads laundry done.
Lunch with former boss.
Costco.

Today's goals:
Doctor's appointment at local clinic. (Done already)
Pharmacy at health department (Done)
File weekly certification for unemployment (Done)
Scan and email ESC benefits letter and tax form to patient advocate. (Done)
Happy Hour with some others.
Wash sheets in bedroom AND in guest bedroom.

2011-06-08T07:45:00.002-04:00

Yesterday's accomplishments:

Cleaned master bath
Mowed front lawn
Applied for two jobs

Today's goals:

Clean guest bath
Go to Costco to get laundry detergent and other necessities
Ideally, get laundry done. Realistically, I may not.

New approach

2011-06-07T07:48:00.004-04:00

OK, I have a new approach. I have the full to-do list in the previous entry, but it overwhelmed me and I felt like crap for not Cleaning All The Things in one day.

What I did accomplish, however, was getting the kitchen very nice and clean, at least in one spot.

Today I'm going to pick a couple of things and get them done, while keeping the kitchen nice and clean. I figure if I do that every day, soon my house will be spic and span.

The funny thing is that it might sound as though the house is a total pit, and it's not. It's just...not where I'd like it to be.

So, today I plan to mow the front lawn and do some laundry, as well as looking for a job to apply for.

Summer Cleaning

2011-06-06T09:31:00.004-04:00

Lest I fall into a morass of lethargy, I need to get on with the to-do list. I took the weekend off, though I did get some things done, like running the dishwasher. Woo hoo, I guess!

Edited 11:30 a.m.
To do:

Kitchen: ~~Unload the dishes, clear off counters, take out trash, load dishes, hand wash dishes, clean stove and surfaces~~
Laundry: to include sheets and towels as well as clothes and sweaters
Bathroom 1: swiffer hair (so much hair!), ~~spray tiles in shower~~, put things on counters away, wipe down counters, clean toilet.
Bathroom 2: deal with hair, clean off counters
Den: clean off surfaces, vacuum
Guest BR: launder the linens, deal with goodwill clothes, prepare for parental visit
House: swiffer.
Bedroom: straighten the dresser top, put clothes away, swiffer under the bed.
Outdoors: mow front lawn, trim the hedges, put netting over blueberries, plant veggies fercrissake
Office: clean off desk.
Living room: water plants, put away the card table.

No way I can get this all done today!! I'll do my best though...

Skipped a day!

2011-06-02T09:41:00.003-04:00

Well, it only makes sense. I had those three crazy interviews in 24 hours.

I've spent this morning looking at the places where I can imagine getting jobs, and there are no more appropriate positions out there, it seems. I'll keep looking every day, but dang.

I guess I need to apply for or communicate with someone about jobs at least twice a week for unemployment purpose. This week is taken care of, so if I have to apply for inappropriate jobs just to jump through the hoops, I'll hold off till next week.

Interview, meeting, interview, interview

2011-05-31T07:30:00.003-04:00

OMG, I'm so excited. I have a big interview this morning, and then a lunch meeting at a place where I have two applications in, and then another interview this afternoon.

I am indeed SO excited! I've prepped well for both the interviews, and I feel fortunate to have been included as a member of the meeting. The meeting is to plan a youth conference--I was involved last year, but it never occurred to me that I'd be invited when unemployed.

Then tomorrow I have another interview, for which I had to prepare a 15 minute presentation. I did it this weekend, and it helped me prepare for the interview this morning. Totally awesome!

Wish me luck!

2011-05-30T08:14:00.004-04:00

Friday I looked at all I had to do before tomorrow and was slightly overwhelmed. Barely made it out, but when I did, I kicked ass and took names. I'm $738 richer, money I thought I'd forfeited by procrastination. I got three cute dresses that cost $75 total. I got my grandma a card, wrote it and mailed it. I called the doctor's office, who may have screwed me out of 3 months of medications by being slow and stupid.

Saturday and Sunday I got a great head start on my presentation, and on Sunday I went to two different pool parties. Escaped sunburn entirely. despite being outside for something like 7 hours. Returned the DVDs and neglected to make a hair appointment. Oh, but my driver's license came in the mail, and my picture was decent. I say this because I styled my hair that day, so as long as I do that tomorrow I should be fine.

So. Today:

To-Do
• Turn presentation into a powerpoint document and practice several times.
• Email PDF of slides to the interviewers
• Prep for the two interviews I have tomorrow
• Iron my dress? Maybe.
• Accessorize the dress.
• Toenails? Maybe.
• Apply for that last job that I have to apply for by tomorrow. I don't love the job, so I'm having a hard time coming up with a good cover letter. I also suspect they'll be overly hardcore on the experience, which is supposed to be at a college level.

OK, off to the races.

2011-05-27T07:53:00.003-04:00

OK, yesterday ended up being a bit of a bust. I started feeling sick and so canceled my drinks with friend and didn't finish the job application, go to the bank or write my grandma. I felt really ill! I did, however, get two emails about jobs. One setting up the interview for Tuesday, and one explaining more about the Skype interview on Wednesday. Looks like I get to create a 15-min presentation. Yay? Meh, I can do it. Gives me an excuse to get ready for two interviews at the same time!

What I will do today:
Go shopping for interview clothes
Make a hair appointment
Apply for other job (having a bit of writer's block on the cover letter)
Go to bank
Get card and stamp for Grandma.
Call Dr's office and make sure they did what I asked them to about my meds.

What I will do this weekend:
Make a powerpoint presentation, practice it and send slides to email so they can have them to follow along.
See my friend Karen, who will be in town.
File unemployment claim
Return DVDs to the library.

2011-05-26T09:24:00.003-04:00

Reflecting on yesterday, I certainly didn't do all I wanted to. Today I'm off to a decent start though.

What I did do yesterday:
Mow backyard
Make good, healthy food.
Get a phone call scheduling an onsite interview for a good job (!! YAY!!)
Take a nap
Watch a movie

What I have done today so far:
Had breakfast
Killed a gargantuan spider
Mowed the front yard
Begun a job application

What I will do today
Finish the job application
Schedule the interview
Meet up with a friend for drinks

What I hope to do today
Find a new outfit to wear to my upcoming job interviews
Go to the bank
Write my grandma

2011-05-25T08:08:00.004-04:00

Schedule today is going to be hard to do. I'm already behind! Slept 10 hours last night, had bizarre dreams that included Tom Selleck, and am due to go to a fundraiser breakfast in...oh, 8 minutes. Chances are I won't be on time, don't you think?

Anyway, I'll try to come back and write the schedule after breakfast.

OK, back from breakfast. (I got a bear claw and a loaf of bread and just hightailed it out of there)

This morning I will compile a list of the jobs available that I can apply for. I plan to apply for 2 of them.

This afternoon I will attempt to go to the AT&T store to see what my options are for getting a new phone. The one I inherited from my friend a while back is now falling apart, which isn't ideal. Not sure if I should bother getting a smart phone, since I have my little iPod touch. As long as I've got wifi, it's everything I need!

Now a quick brainstorm of things I need to do otherwise. It would be good to have something to come back to when I'm stumped.

Mow the lawn
Weed the garden
Plant the garden (Shamefully behind on this!)
Figure out storage for books. Ikea? I need someone's input on my house layout. I'm no good at that sort of thing.
Clean all the things.
(Specifically, get to the point where I can actually dust and clean floors, because I have dust-bunnies galore. I keep bitching about them and not doing anything about it)
Change the air filters
Put suitcases up in the attic
Write Grandma.

Uh, I'm sure there are other things.

2011-05-24T06:39:00.004-04:00

Today's schedule:

7:30, leave to go to the state legislature to go to the senate's appropriation hearing. They're discussing the budget, which actually means they're going to (hopefully only try to) defund Planned Parenthood. Evil shit going down there!

8:30 Senate hearing

12:30 Look for Maria, who will be there to protest ~~defunding~~ cutting Smart Start funding by 20%. (What is this state coming to??)

Not sure when I'll return. But when I get back, I have a couple of jobs to apply for.

Surprise!

2011-05-23T07:17:00.002-04:00

Back from the dead, I am.

Nobody much blogs anymore do they? Facebook and IRC have taken over my blogging time, not to mention that whole job thing.

Oh, job? Why yes, thanks for asking!

I don't have one. Nope. My organization closed its doors last week, victim of piss poor management after the director left.

Thankfully, I saw the writing on the wall and began looking about a month ago, when they cut my hours back to 80% of full time. So far I've applied for 6 positions and gotten interviews for 4 of them. The last two are at the same organization, and they haven't invited anyone in yet. I have connections at all the places, so I'm not entirely in the dark about what's going on. One position was a stretch (at best) and I didn't get the job, which is fine. The other 5 I'm still in the running for, and are great fits with my experience.

So there's the backstory.

Now for the meat of this post. I'm bored and unmotivated. I've been like this for a while, actually, but with work I didn't have to worry about the boredom except on weekends. Now every day is a weekend. That's what I'm here to change.

I need structure. When I was last unemployed, I did tons of projects and it was fun, if stressful because of money. I have projects I could do now, but I'm lacking this motivation, which sucks. This is why I am going to put some structure in my life, and this blog is what's going to keep me honest.

Here's the plan, which I will likely revise as time goes on.

Wake up
Drink coffee, check FB, computer fun. (One hour)
Blog my schedule
Shower
Work
Lunch
Work
Make dinner

Here's my schedule for Day 1:

8-8:30 Shower
8:30-9:30 House cleaning
9:30-11 Get driver's license renewed.
11-12:30 Make and eat lunch, do dishes.
12:30-3 Look for jobs and apply
3-5 Garden

Garden in the afternoon isn't ideal, because it's going to be hot, but it's wet out there right now.

OK, ¡Adelante, Stew!

Lists of lists

2010-09-26T08:46:00.003-04:00

Fun:
Shopping for clothes that fit (fun? meh, but better than nothing)
Cook (fun? kind of, but I don't know what to make)
Sew? Maybe. An apron is lacking.
Decorate? I need a better color scheme in the den. This doesn't seem fun, though.

House:
Sweep
Vacuum
Clean freezer
Laundry
Straighten guest BR

Projects:
Make raised beds for garden.
Photo scanning for Dad and family
Scarf for friend
Sell couch on Craigslist

I feel a distinct lack of motivation. :-(

Long time no see

2010-03-13T07:23:00.007-05:00

This is a list entry.

New awesomeness has happened over the last year, such that I'm in preparation at the moment to arrange MY OWN HOUSE such that MY BOYFRIEND can MOVE IN in two weeks.

Which means I need a plan. The house is ~~kind of~~ in total disarray, and I want him to have his own space here. And I need to make that so it can happen.

Edited 3/19/10
List:

Kitchen: ~~all the normal stuff to clean. Dishes, etc.~~
Laundry: ~~ditto the above~~
Living room: get the seedling setup going (for once! jeeze!), straighten up
Den: ~~Wood goes outside.~~ Tools get put away, crap gets picked up. ~~Curtains get re-installed~~. Carpet gets vacuumed.
Bathroom: ~~sweep, put away stuff on counter, clean counter,~~ make room in a few drawers
Bathroom #2: sweep, wipe counters
Guest room: Move camping stuff out of closet to attic
Office: make room in closet for M, clean, remove extra crap, put up curtain rod and curtain
Bedroom: ~~move out of season clothes to guest room, clean out drawers, sweep and vacuum, wash sheets, etc. Move lamp and put other bedside table, well, bedside~~.

I'm sure there's more. There's a ton more to do for the frikkin' garden, too. Time to get a move on!

A stand-up Guy.

2009-06-24T11:42:00.004-04:00

I try to keep up with bills in the NC general assembly that affect adolescent health and well being. Mind you, that's no small feat, because the process of a bill becoming a law is long, drawn-out, and pretty darn opaque.

This session there have been two bills that especially caught my interest: a sex ed bill and an anti-bullying bill. We can talk about the sex ed bill later. There's a lot to say, and it's still not resolved.

Senate Bill 526, which has one of the longest titles (caution: PDF)I've ever seen, passed the House yesterday, and is going to the governor's desk today to be signed. Opponents of the bill were against the inclusion of enumerated categories to point out the youth that are typically most at risk of being bullied. Well, to be more truthful, they were opposed to the fact that the bill included the categories of sexual orientation and gender identity.

The length of the title actually has a strategic purpose; no amendment can be filed that would change the core of the content in the title or some such. They use different language than what I did, but that's the basic point. So for a bill titled "Increase Taxes for alcohol served in restaurants," for example, you can't have an amendment that would increase taxes on both restaurant sales as well as grocery store sales. So with this bill, there could be no amendment taking out the enumerated categories. Make sense?

The real point of me writing about this is to praise a freshman legislator who represents a rural area and who was willing to take a risk voting for this bill and urging others to. The words he spoke to the house when the bill was undergoing debate moved me to tears.

I think it's important to read in context, so I've posted below the entire speech he made, as published by a local news outlet.

From The Independent Weekly Triangulator Blog:

Rep. Darren Jackson, D-Wake:

Thank you, Mr. Speaker. I got a letter from a constituent that I’d like to read a little bit about tonight in this forum. She wrote, I am the mother of a son with autism. I truly cannot comprehend the reluctance of any legislator to pass this bill. Bullies do exist, and they make life miserable for those unable to defend themselves. In a civilized society, why do we allow this?

My son is bright but different. Eccentric some would say. Unfortunately, this difference can be the catalyst for teasing and taunting, sometimes in a subtle form, and sometimes in more flagrant acts involving an emotional and physical violation. I know all too well that children can be cruel. It’s up to the adults in their lives to teach them acceptance and tolerance. Students learn more than academics in school, and part of their education should include how to treat others with respect and dignity and look to peers for support, not how to dodge a fist.

We can begin the process of tolerance tonight by taking a stand against bullying for any reason. I know some of you in this chamber have been having these culture wars for many years. This bill is not about that. At least it shouldn’t be, and it’s not for me. Instead, it’s personal, and I apologize for that.
Friends, God didn’t make us all exactly alike. Sometimes these perceived differences lead to bullying. Maybe the victim is a girl in middle school who is larger than her male counterparts, and likes sports, and is called a tomboy – or worse. Maybe it’s a disabled child with autism who’s called freak, weirdo, or even much worse names and is physically assaulted at school. Maybe it’s your child, your grandchild, your neice or nephew.

Or maybe the victim is a 10-year old little boy who just finished the 5th grade. Maybe he’s real small for his age, the smallest in his class. Maybe he doesn’t like contact sports, but instead loves to dance and sing and perform in the school production. He’s a natural. Maybe he’s a fan of soft colors and likes to wear pink, like his dad. Maybe he’s blessed to have his mother’s good looks and beautiful skin and soft facial features. Maybe he likes to hang out with girls because he’s not rough enough for the boys.
Maybe because of all these things, he’s called sissy boy, gay, homo or even worse.

Perhaps his father is absolutely terrified of what middle school and high school will have in store for such a wonderful little boy. Maybe his parents or his teachers tried to teach him not to act a certain way or to talk about certain interests in front of other boys because it just leads to more bullying. You might say that they encourage him to hide his true personality. And why? Shouldn’t he be free to be himself? He’s not hurting anyone. He should be free to be what God made him. He’s 10. He doesn’t know what he is.

This bill simply says that no child should be bullied even if they are perceived to be poor, or disabled or maybe different. This bill’s about protecting kids; at least, it is for me. If this bill prevents one suicide, or one school violence episode, then it’s a success. If this bill is passed, then it will be a step forward for protecting children – maybe even one close to you.

If you’re going to vote no against this bill, at least be honest with yourself about why you’re doing it.

I’m going to count my vote as yes. And when my daughter and I, who’s serving as page this week, go out to eat and go home tonight, I’m going to go see her little brother, who’ll be in bed asleep. I’m going to lean across that bed and kiss my 10-year old goodnight. And I’m going to know that I voted the right way, the way to protect him and other children like him. And if that costs me my seat in this chamber, then so be it.

Amazing, isn't it?

At the REEEEEEED House!

2009-05-15T10:05:00.003-04:00

The racial reconciliation concept was a joint effort between the Red House staff and us. They pointed out the fact that their employees and customer base were like the "Rainbow Coalition", and we thought something with a comical racial reconciliation theme would be fun, as well as a conversation starter.

I'd love to check out what they sell at The Red House.

Wow.

2009-05-12T07:48:00.002-04:00

This is the building I called home when I lived in Barcelona.

Cool as shit.

Wooooo

2009-05-10T17:00:00.003-04:00

Yeah, not so much blogging, hm?

I've been really super busy and as such, stressed. Lots going on. Some of it's exciting, some's nerve wracking, some's banal. I have a hurt arm, I'm over committed at work, and I have too much to do at home.

I'm fine--good, even, but this stage I'm in is one of lots of obligations and little time with others.

Brilliant.

2009-03-30T20:06:00.001-04:00

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: Hello Omegle user! I am here to help educate you about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. As one of God’s children, you have a duty to abstain from sexual intercourse until marriage. Although in today’s society it is “cool” to fornicate before marriage, it really destroys the bond you have with God. Please support abstinence in all that you do in order to reach Heaven and Eternity!

You: OMG! I'm a sex educator!

You: Awesome!

Stranger: Would you like to send in $2.99 to obtain a abstinance ring you can cherish for a lifetime? It is made of 16 Carat gold inlaid with a crucifix to remind you to stay pure in all that you do.

You: let's talk the merits of abstinence-only sex ed!

Stranger: If you order 15 or more, we can lower the price for you!

You: i'll get them for all the kids I work with!!!

You: except we call it the Nuvaring

Stranger: Nuvaring is against God's will, you should condider stopping educating people with it.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Makeup

2009-03-27T15:42:00.002-04:00

Without

With

Eat the View, that's right!

2009-03-18T22:01:00.001-04:00

HELL YEAH!

Mrs. Gill, Mr. Gann and Mrs. Lilly

2009-03-09T18:03:00.003-04:00

Can you find me? (Click to embiggen)

Bubba, meet Daisy.

2009-02-28T15:44:00.004-05:00

In which I make no excuses for the condition of my room but instead just delight in the bad behavior of two dogs.

Daisy is allowed on beds. Bubba is not. I think he finds that extremely unfair, as would I. It was fabulous last night to have a nice, warm doggo curled up in the crook that my bent knees make when I sleep on my side.

Need cheering up?

2009-02-25T20:00:00.000-05:00

Go here. Watch the whole thing. You'll smile.

Soooooo

2009-02-22T16:39:00.002-05:00

I think Facebook has killed this blog.

Planted four 30' rows of peas for the community market garden. Planted two 8' rows in my plot.
Was supposed to start my tomatoes, peppers, etc. this weekend, but haven't gotten off of my ass to do so.

Um, was in the paper again.

Uh.....have nothing else to report.

Aren't you jealous?

2009-02-12T13:43:00.004-05:00

Reason #1: I now own a travel mug from the Law Offices of James Scott Farrin*. "Call the HurtLine!"
Reason #2: I have my performance evaluation coming up. This always inspires fun.
Reason #3: I've recently been in a situation where I am forced to overhear long, chatty conversations about topics that I find vapid, frankly. It's grating on my nerves very, very badly. Especially since the prosody of the speech is inextricably linked to the part of my brain that causes annoyance.

*Non-local readers note: this is a personal injury law practice that is famous for over-the-top ads airing during daytime TV. I feel famous.

Facebook

2009-02-04T23:33:00.002-05:00

Wow. I had over 60 birthday messages on Facebook. I feel like a star. I did end up getting a massage, which was great other than the freezing room. People are awesome. My mom called from the caribbean, my sister called, my nephew called....

I've had a great day. Thanks everyone.

What to do, what to do???

2009-02-04T09:09:00.001-05:00

I've taken the day off of work, and I'm trying to figure out what to do. I'm thinking massage, but I have no idea where to get one. If you have any ideas about what a girl should do on a day off when she wants to treat herself, have at it!

Meanwhile, the UNC alumni association sent me birthday wishes. Hilarious!

non-post.

2009-02-01T22:09:00.001-05:00

Back from the homestead. It was a quick but wonderful visit. Time for bed.

From the Psychoneurotic Institute for the Very, VERY Nervous

2009-01-29T12:51:00.002-05:00

For some reason I'm having a meltdown today, and my brain won't listen to reason.

In the moment I even worry about being worried, but at the same time am not worried about the anxiety long term.

Here are the things I'm worrying about:
Being worried.
Not getting my room clean before I go to MI for my grandma's birthday.
Accidentally forgetting all sorts of things--to make my bed
Not completing tasks before I go.
Being late, even though the flight isn't for another 5 hours.
Having over-felted my new mittens, hat, and neckwarmer.
Whether I'm going to have troubles checking luggage.
Whether I'll bother checking luggage.
Whether if I take anti-anxiety medicine I'll fall asleep and miss the plane.
That I won't be able to eat because of the timing of the flight.
ARGH!!!!

Even doing the things I'm afraid I won't get done isn't helping.

It's insane and very out of the ordinary. I suppose this is what meds are for, though, right?

Even so, I think I'll meditate first. But what if it doesn't work and I fall asleep and miss my plane?

(I'm halfway making fun of myself with this post, but the feelings are indeed all real. Ugh)

$2.99

2009-01-24T12:10:00.002-05:00

I really love my local thrift store. All of this, for less than what one single remnant usually goes for.

All me, all the time.

2009-01-23T10:48:00.002-05:00

If it's not about Bubba these days, it's about me, I guess! This photo is circa 1990-1991ish. I'm so silly!

Ahead of the fashion curve

2009-01-22T06:57:00.001-05:00

I went to Georgia last weekend, did I mention? I can't remember. Anyway, I got dinner with some friends, who took pictures. And then they did this to the photo:

I played the bugle!

2009-01-21T07:26:00.003-05:00

Me. In the news.

Fun day yesterday!

BTW, the Durham Herald Sun (First link) is annoyingly registration only. So here are the relevant bits, as an excerpt:

At the park

About 100 people and a few dogs from the Old West Durham and Watts-Hillandale neighborhoods gathered at Oval Park for a parade after watching the inaugural proceedings on TV.

With snow on the ground and flakes still falling, chants of "Obama" and "Yes we did" rose from those assembled as they took a couple of laps around the park, led by American and North Carolina flags and a cardboard cutout of Obama.

"I was glued to the TV," said STEW, who was playing a bugle along to the "Yes we did" cheer. "I was lucky enough to have a snow day. I expected to be at work. It was a lucky gift."

(Ahem, they misquoted me. I said it was a "simple" gift."

Photo: Chris Seward, News and Observer.

I got a simple gift today.

2009-01-20T12:10:00.004-05:00

'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free,
'Tis the gift to come down where you ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.
When true simplicity is gain'd,
To bow and to bend we shan't be asham'd,
To turn, turn will be our delight,
Till by turning, turning we come round right.

Simple gifts

We've come 'round right, y'all.

SNOW!

2009-01-20T06:16:00.003-05:00

There's maybe an inch of snow on the ground. I don't want to go to work. Do you think I can call in with a bad hair day?

UPDATE: SNOW DAY!!!!!!!

If you can't beat 'em...

2009-01-19T19:38:00.005-05:00

He tried his best to cover his ears, but...

Bad. Boy.

2009-01-05T18:14:00.003-05:00

I cleaned my room this weekend, and the floor is now mostly visible. The Bubster has been loving being able to come in as he wishes. Before he didn't dare, lest he slip on my undies or trip on my shoes. Which he did, from time to time.

But NOW!! OH my, he's in love with my room. He slept on the floor beside my bed last night, and I was guilty the whole time--like he currently liked me better or something. I thought that might be because yesterday I spent an unusual amount of time with the boy. Took him out for coffee, picked up his poop, consoled him when the flickering power had driven his tail between his legs and his tongue into hyper pant mode.

So yeah, Bubba loves me.

When I came home from work a while ago, I wondered if he'd be on the blanket next to my bed still. He wasn't in Roommate's room on his doggie bed. He wasn't on the couch, which is his second favorite place to be. Next to my bed, right?

He wasn't.

He was ON MY BED BAD BOY BUBBA BAD BAD BAD BAD!!

(I don't care, but Roommate does. I thought it was cute.)

BAD BUBBA!

Oh my aching...

2009-01-04T22:21:00.003-05:00

Which of these things do you think benefits profusely from the heating pad I'm using?

1) My right arm
2) My shoulder
3) My neck
4) My back

Answer: You're right!

I've been having some weird muscle pain recently, which is unrelated to any sort of overexertion. Unfortunately.

Fortunately, I have the aforementioned heating pad. The cord is currently hanging out of my brown velour v-neck (I was inspired). I've positioned it for maximum relief, wedged over my shoulder, upper back, and upper arm. Under the v-neck, but above the t-shirt. Wouldn't want to get burned, you know. When I'm near a plug, it's connected.

How old am I, again?

What you missed.

2009-01-03T21:10:00.004-05:00

Happy New Year!

The Wusses were way better than I could even have hoped. I'll never miss them again, I think.

The setlist:

Do yourself a favor and make a mix tape of this. And then make me one!

Holy Matrimony

2009-01-01T12:10:00.003-05:00

If you get a chance, order the steak frites at the Federal.

Flat Iron steak (rare or at least medium rare) sliced into manageable chunks of deliciousness.
Upscale poutine -- Home cut fries with chunks of mushroom brie on top and then smothered in gravy.

I didn't order this meal. That makes me very sad. I'm sure it also made my dining partner sad, as I ended up barely restraining myself from hogging his meal. I might have to go to the Federal today or tomorrow to experience the goodness.

Oh, Happy New Year. I woke up ravenous, can you tell?

Doing the right thing. Not just karma.

2008-12-28T14:43:00.004-05:00

OMG. I just spent my Christmas money. OMG. SO EXCITED!!!

I'd had the Wild Bird Center (warning, Cardinals) recommended to me, but I was a bit wary. Just because of money, mind you. Certainly I'd be able to find the binoculars I wanted online for a lot less, right? But nonetheless, I needed to see and feel and use the binoculars before buying. I was tempted to go to the store, figure out what I wanted, and then go home to price check. Of course that made me feel guilty, as well. Sigh. Conundrums.

I went today, picked out the binocs I liked best from their inventory and bought them. You gotta go with your gut, and frankly buying local makes my gut sing. Or something. (That's a positive response, by the way. I wasn't talking about my stomach gurgling painfully, something I've been way too familar with recently.)

I didn't know if the binoculars would be cheaper elsewhere, but the service I got was so pleasant that I'd have been a real loser to use the bird center's wonderful staff advice and not buy there. And let me expound upon their service for a second. I told them my price range, and they brought out a few different binoculars in that range. However, they did not tell me which ones were the most expensive, or in fact, any of the prices. They led me through a variety of exercises to see which ones I felt performed the best, and at no time did they push the more expensive ones on me. And I didn't even know which ones were expensive, mind you.

I picked the Nikon Monarch ATB 8x42 binocs. They were the lightest, the clearest, and the brightest of the ones I tried. The one downside is that the close focus was farther than the second pair I had narrowed it down to. But they were a lot less heavy. And they were clearer.

I did just Google the prices, now that I'm home. And you know what? They're within $10-$30 of typical online prices. OK.

Because? In addition to the expertise the staff gave me, they also chipped in a lens pen *and* a harness, which I was planning to buy. Apparently it wasn't in perfect condition (it was a return), but I didn't see anything wrong with it at all. Anyhoo, that's about $35 worth of extras they threw in.

Well worth it, in my opinion. Well worth it.

(The binoculars are so awesome! They're feather-light! They focus really close up! They're bright! They're clear! And what's rather amusing to me is that my first binoculars are the same brand, but a couple of steps down.)

LOVE!

Recession Christmas

2008-12-25T10:57:00.005-05:00

I wish all Christmases were recession Christmases. Virtually all of the gifts here at my sweet second home have been hand made. The presents end up being so much more personal this way. They're an artsy bunch, this family, and it shows.

My gifts to them were either homemade or scavenged from around the house. Hats, scarves, too-small cashmere sweaters, a winter coat that didn't fit and that I've been too lazy to return (mail order! Annoying!), and the like. Since I hadn't prepared for gift-giving, I had a blast running around and seeing how creative I could be.

May your celebrations be simple. Happy Holidays.

(my new, original) artwork, pictured above:
Perfect from now on 7
2007
acrylic on paper
9" x 12"
by Wendy Heldmann
(Note the birds)

Dashing through the SNOW!!!!!

2008-12-23T10:48:00.003-05:00

OK, so there might not be snow, but I'll be home for Christmas! At my second home, that is. My NC family home base is in Charlotte, at my sweet love JJ's parents' home. Skip, Jane, and the rest of the clan welcome me with open arms whenever I need it, and I am just full of gratitude for them.

Also, for my mumma, who read that last pitiful entry and offered to buy me a last-minute trip home.

Love Love LOVE!

Sleighbells ring and all that.

2008-12-20T14:10:00.002-05:00

I've been feeling a little pathetic recently, to tell you the truth. I had some meds changed, which helped curtail a slide downwards that I was feeling, but they've also left me with some weird side effects. Basically, in the mornings I've been feeling shaky and sometimes vomitous. Actually, I think for the first time ever, coffee is truly exacerbating this yuck feeling. I tried stopping the wakefulness-encouraging medicine, but that just left me so sleepy I've taken two 3-hour naps in the last two days. Followed by a full-night's sleep. Ugh!

This morning it hit me hard that I was going to be alone on Christmas. I called up a friend, but she wasn't able to invite me along to her goings on. I have to admit that I then cried in public. I do have a couple of places I can go, but for some reason they don't feel *right*. I want FAMILY, darnit. Hi Mom. I love you. I'm still glad I'm not getting on a plane, but I sure wish teleportation were a viable travel option. Sigh.

The good thing is that I've managed to take the last couple days' slump and transform it some. I left the house this morning, and when I came back I put in a couple of loads of laundry, ran the dishwasher, and gathered cookie recipes. I've made some thumbprint cookies to showcase my plum jam, and I'll begin on my traditional toffee here in a bit. Tonight I have a party to go to, which I'm looking forward to, and tomorrow I'll be doing the Chapel Hill Christmas Bird Count. I did the Durham one last weekend.

I did get a couple of cards in the mail today, which also helped. One was from my wonderful Grandma, and I'd like to share it with you.

Dear Stew,

I'm sorry you couldn't make it up here for Christmas, but when you work that's not always possible. We'll miss our Stew but will look forward to next summer maybe.* The weather up here is just so cold and snowy right now. I hate to go out and shovel my walk off, but I'll have to because the poor little birdies are all out of seed. So I'll have to go fill the feeder. My two pair of cardinals and the little snow birds (juncos) and sparrows and chickadees and blue jays are waiting for me to feed them. The squirrels and a little rabbit are out there, too. The boys were over last week with their father, and they brought hamburgs. I can't say no to that! I went to school doings with Annie and the boys last Wednesday. Your mom and Pete were here Mon. and brought me wine, two kinds of soup, fresh strawberries, and choc. cheesecake. I guess I won't starve! We will miss you!

Love, hugs, and kisses from
Grandma

*What Grandma doesn't know is that I'm flying up to Michigan for a long weekend at the end of January. She's turning 90, and I'll be there, dammit!

Another mystery

2008-12-19T20:54:00.004-05:00

Welp, never did figure out anything about 86 cent day. Kind of anticlimactic, really. I mean, so cool! But...NO resolution. Dammit. Ah well.

Today's crazy story came by email. The father of this fine family below sent me a Christmas card via email, complete with their portrait. In fact, he sent the photo twice!

I've gotten emails before that weren't intended for me--usually they're for a namesake who gave out the wrong email address. This one, though, is from a family who lives here in North Carolina, rather than, say, Maryland or West Dakota.

I'm pretty certain I've never met this family. However, a very large part of me is already embarrassed because surely this entire entry will end up being a giant foot-in-mouth moment.

After all, one time I ran into an old boyfriend and didn't know how I knew him. I've not been blessed with a great memory, it seems.

Anyhoo, here they are.

Let's play "Guess How These People Know Stew!"

Alright, SPILL!

2008-12-15T18:59:00.005-05:00

Someone wonderfully kooky stopped by my house yesterday and left this for me.

I'd like at least a clue to the mystery, kthanks.

Please, Please, Please NO.

2008-12-13T15:39:00.001-05:00

Do you think these could be, gulp, bed bug bites?

Lost

2008-12-07T13:01:00.003-05:00

Hiked again today, first a couple of miles on my own, birding, and then another few miles with Suze. I'd never been to the quarry in the wintertime, and decided to check it out for waterfowl. The usually empty gully you need to cross to get to the quarry has turned into a creek. One that's too wide to jump over. Dammit.

I found my way across with the help of a couple of stepping stones, though. The sun's angle highlighted the water and pine trees, and it made the red clay soil just brilliant. No birds, though. Ah well. I crossed back over the stream and almost fell backwards into the water. On my ass. Hiking back to the parking lot, I considered how well I'd be able to survive in the woods for a day or so with what I had on me if I broke an ankle.

Inventory of what I was carrying/wearing:
Binoculars
Sibley's guide
Grinch Hands
Cashmere hat #1
Cashmere hat #2
Bandanna
Tank top
Bra
Base layer
Cashmere sweater
Jeans
Underwear
Wool/cotton socks
Hooded waterproof shell
LED keychain
Lighter
Cell phone*

What I didn't have:
Water
Food

Even taking the phone out of the equation (cause that makes it way too easy), I was pretty happy with what I came up with.

Observations of note:
I could use the Sibley's guide and a lighter to start a fire (sad, but worth it). There's a lot of dead wood.
The LED keychain is a wondrous thing.
I'm glad I have warm head coverings.
Wettish leaves would be a good smoke creator.
I know the SOS morse code. I think. Smoke signals. Cool.
I'd drink stream water, risking contaminants.
There's wild ginger, so I could chew on the roots.
Can I catch a squirrel? I don't have a knife. I wonder if I could gut it with my hands. Would it skin easily? Maybe I could just burn the fur off?
I bet if I had to, I could break my binoculars to get to the lens.

Yah. It was a fun hike.

*Which I lost later. And then found again. Whew.

Obsessive inaccuracy

2008-12-06T23:30:00.003-05:00

I feel petty bringing this up, but there's nothing more annoying than when someone corrects you, and they're wrong. The commenter was referencing this post.

Soup Soup Soup

2008-12-06T13:25:00.003-05:00

Ya know, sometimes I think the best recipes are ones that you just kind of end up making, with little forethought and less second-guessing.

I got some kale and napa cabbage at the market today. My body is telling me it needs greens, dammit. When I got home, I figured I'd make a white bean soup. There are no white beans in the pantry. Black beans? Maybe.

Chop chop chop up ~1/2 cup onion.
Mince mince mince a clove of garlic.
Dice dice dice a small stalk of celery.
Cut cut cut the kale ribs into tiny pieces.

Sautee it all in a small amount of oil.

Remember you have some smoked sausage in the freezer. Excellent. Slice slice slice it up and toss on the sauteed veggies. Hack hack hack up the rest of the kale, and add it in. Add some water. Stir in some higher-quality bouillon since you don't have stock. If you do have stock, use that instead, of course.

Taste. Needs spice. Hot pepper from freezer, aw yeah.

Huh. I wonder what apples would be like? Cube cube cube a Gala. Whomp it in, too.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Taste.

No beans. None. Pure veggies, smoked sausage and broth. Hits the spot. Will be even better tomorrow, yes it will.

What to say?

2008-12-05T10:55:00.004-05:00

Every day I have fewer things that beg me to write here. Indeed, it's not that my life is either so full or so empty that hinders things. I don't know what it could be. Ah well, no worries.

I've been tempted to write OLD WEST DURHAM in every post ever since I discovered that our wonderful and very nice neighborhood association president has an ~~RSS~~ alert set up for references to OLD WEST DURHAM. Hi John! Hilarious. To me at least. Sorry for the silly prank here, John. You know I love this neighborhood. LOVE.

I just did a 3-mile hike at the Eno. Bubba dragged me at a faster pace than I'm used to on unlevel terrain, so it took under an hour. I didn't bring binoculars, but I should have. I swear I saw a broad-winged hawk sitting on a line at the realty company I rent from. Buteos and accipiters aren't my strength, and the without a field guide to compare, I just noticed as much as I could. Red chest on sides and shortish tail lacking the stripes of a Cooper's, though there was one band on it. Problem is, broad-winged hawks aren't here this time of year. They've gone way south. So...I'd bet it was actually a Cooper's hawk after all. Maybe a juvenile?

Anyhoo, lots to do this weekend, both socially and obligationally.

The Friendly Birdy Island

2008-11-30T09:11:00.009-05:00

"Aunt Stew, you're spilling your beer!" 6-year-old orange-headed nephew. Gotta love a guy who knows what's important, hm?

Mom and Pedro gave me their old camera, so I took a bunch of photos. Unfortunately, the light was rarely right. Here are the best of the bunch. I didn't edit.

Pearly-eyed Thrasher*

Black-faced Grassquit*

'
Black-necked Stilts and White-Cheeked Pintails*.

Zenaida Dove

Lesser Antillean Bullfinch

Bananaquit!! (definitely the best bird picture I got)

Ruddy Turnstones

Green-throated Carib

*Lifer this trip!! (Also, a female American Wigeon and Caribbean Coots)

Other birds: Gray Kingbird, Antillean Crested Hummingbird (so tiny), Common Ground Dove (also tiny!), Brown Pelican, Magnificent Frigatebird, Brown Booby, Common Moorhen, Greater and Lesser Yellowlegs, Sanderling, Spotted Sandpiper, Great Egret, Snowy Egret, Cattle Egret, Green Heron... I'm probably forgetting a ton. Ah well.

Oh, and check out this delightful surprise I found next to a beach bar!

(Yes, they were tasty.)

Sunscreen off season is pricy.

2008-11-20T18:26:00.002-05:00

Who in their right mind gets an international flight that *leaves* at 6 a.m.?

Oh, me. Right.

SO! Saturday at 3:45 (yes, in the morning OMG), I'll be driving out to the airport, hopefully having a seat assigned, and jetting off to Sint Maarten, and well, Saint Martin also, via Miami.

Hm. Last time I went it must have been on my old blog, which has since vanished into the ether. Argh. Ah well, the first sinnoticiasdetstew lives on through the wayback machine. Or at least I hope it does. I've somehow lost the URL for that old blog. Anyone else have it? Wow. Argh. I just found the old link and the blog is GONE GONE GONE, do you hear me? ARGH!!!

It's OK though. Sad, but I'll get over it.

Cause I get to BIRD again. Yay Antillean Crested Hummingbird!

Male Antillean Crested Hummingbird
Originally uploaded by Alexander Yates

No remembro how to say eleven.

2008-11-18T15:38:00.003-05:00

The One-Semester-of-Spanish Spanish Love Song.

Thanks very much to a former colleague, I came across this hilarious video.

ow ow ow ow ow ow ow

2008-11-16T19:13:00.002-05:00

You know those hangnails that hurt and get red and hot? Not the ones that are just cuticle skin, but the ones that actually have a bit of nail at the side of the cuticle that hangs there until you yank it off. Which is a bad idea, but you do it anyway because....well, just because.

No, I don't have one of those. Instead, I have a ripped-from-the-nailbed area of my fingernail that exhibits the same red hot pain. And there's dirt under the nail, too, thanks to the garden.

The toothpicks coated with neosporin didn't help get that dirt out, either. But I poked around anyway, pain be damned. Now the finger is bandaged up with loads of antibiotic ointment and is throbbing. Ouch.

Musts

2008-11-16T10:21:00.005-05:00

My darling friend the Peaceable Imperatrix put up a to-d0 list yesterday, which has inspired me. I think I especially like the way she sprinkled fun things in there to lighten it all up.

So here's mine. Pardon me if I put some done items on to make me feel better.

• Volunteer.
• Turn mulch pile.
• Fork excess mulch off front yard and wheelbarrow to the back.
• Eat the two red raspberries I find.
• Make a scarf.
• Read Prodigal Summer cover-to-cover.
• Clean up scraps of felted wool. in progress
~~• Put away large stash of felted sweaters.~~
• Put away sewing machine and accessories.
• Clean bathroom. (trash out, tidy, clean toilet, clean sink/vanity, ~~clean shower~~)
~~• Put away dishes in kitchen.~~
• Put away laundry. In progress
• Find appropriate summer clothes for trip next week. (!!!!! YAY!!!!!) in progress. (Thanks Roommate, for sharing my size and letting me borrow things)
• Go look at neighbor's house.
• Put away yarn stash.
• Clean out car.
• Shower.
• Brush teeth.
• Shave legs.
• Find passport. (I don't think it's lost. I just want to make sure.)

OK----GO!!!!

First update: 11:48 a.m. Things I added:
• Find books to take to St. Martin. in progress
~~• Put chili in freezer in ziplock bags flattened out~~,
• Do laundry. in progress
• Pay water bill
• Calculate utilities for Roommate.

Second update:
Ugh.

Rainy Day fun

2008-11-14T12:07:00.005-05:00

I've been curious for a long time about eventually buying a house, I have today off, and it's raining. So just for kicks, I'm going to drive around to see (from the curb!) some houses listed for sale right now. Call it research.

Ideally I'd be wanting: no HOA, sunny enough yard for a garden, 3 Br and 2 Ba (for a roommate plus guest room), safe neighborhood, wouldn't make my commute more than 40 minutes one way, walkable, not stuck up, hardwoods, non-horrible kitchen, fenced yard, blahdity blah blah. They're mostly negotiable, these desires, but that list I gave tends to descending order of importance.

Neighborhoods I'm familiar with: Northgate Park (Hi Cristin!), Duke Park, Old West Durham, Watts Hillandale, Tuscaloosa/Lakewood, Forest Hills, Hope Valley, Trinity Park, Trinity Heights. Other areas that might be OK would be the Cole Mill area, around the intersection of Sparger and Hillsborough....

Any other ideas? Tell me about some nice neighborhoods here in Durham!

From excellent to yicky in less than a week!

2008-11-10T20:04:00.007-05:00

I haven't talked about the election returns yet, have I? Suffice to say that overall I'm extremely pleased.

Some specifics:
1) No more Liddy Dole. My mom and my friend Michele both called me* when that race was called. Not only did I (figuratively) wish to spit on the woman who took over the seat of another loathesome guy, but I was also very proud to vote for Kay Hagan. She has some sound ideas about sustainable ag and local foods, and I'll always love her for her support of raw milk. Have you tasted that goodness yet? It's a gorgeous sensation.
2) Obama. I doubt I have to say much about this to any of you, but I'm even more impressed that he's planning to recind many of the immoral policies Bush implemented. I volunteered on election day in a county that eventually went for McCain. I didn't do very much at all, but I was glad I took the day off.
3) Anti-choice initiatives failed. Thank goodness.
4) Can you say NC is blue? Yes! Me too!
5) Bad news: Proposition 8 in California passed, as did a number of other anti-gay initiatives. Gotta love people taking away civil rights, ya know?

I spent the night at my friend Ian's place, after going to the NC Dems victory celebration downtown. The energy there (as well as some champagne) gave me a fantastic buzz, and there were celebrations in the streets. So wonderful. Walking downtown the next morning I was so grateful to see people still beaming and making small talk in the street with strangers about how happy they were.

The next day I met with the group of teens I work with, and they were excited as well. They did share some unfortunate experiences documenting the racial tension that still exists even now. I'd expected as much, sadly, so I had prepared a "teachable moment" plan and showed them The Children's March. I was so proud to hear them talk about ways they have already and could continue to stand up to bigotry as it happens today.

So yeah, election week rocked.

But.

There always has to be a but, doesn't there?

Yesterday started out well. I was super productive and did dishes, cooked, and gardened. I'm landscaping most of the front yard, and I realized at Maria's birthday party the night before that I really had to get the irises in that Jamie and the s.o. gave me back over labor day weekend.

While I was doing this, though, I noticed an oddity on the street. Someone had pulled up in front of the house next door for a bit, and then turned around and parked again, this time directly across the street from me. I was a bit oblivious at first, though I did wonder briefly what this person was doing. Were they lost?

Nah. It was a young guy who decided to jerk off to my yardwork. Once I figured that out, I walked out in the street towards him a bit, but really more towards the back of the car. To get the plate number, see? And I did. I got the entire plate number, even before he peeled out. The police were very nice, and I felt strong, proud, and confident. I was happily surprised that my reaction was so matter-of-fact and oriented towards justice. I didn't show him any response beyond first being puzzled and then calmly (not even forced calm...I was zenned out) observing and memorizing as much info about the situation as I could. I emailed two neighborhood listservs with the details as well, and many residents cheered me.

Unfortunately, that pride and calm dissipated as the night wore on, taking me to a place of fear and worry. What if he retaliated? What if he broke in or vandalized my car? My god, he knows where I live, after all. What if Bubba's barking (Loud! Mean-sounding!) compelled this asswipe (and the friends I imagined would accompany him) to shoot Bubba?

I read By the Shores of Silver Lake last night, and didn't contain my tears when Jack died in his sleep.

I'm going to the police department in the morning to check on their progress. I've contacted local sexual violence crisis centers for advice and support. I can't imagine the horror that a more serious act of sexual violence would be like. I'm glad I haven't had to. This was gross enough.

Lotta tags for this post, hm?

*Michele actually texted me, and I then called her.

Last time the victory wasn't so much of one. I hope this time it is!

2008-11-04T17:40:00.002-05:00

This is where I'll be spending part of the evening tonight. Then I'm crashing at a friend's house, where we'll watch the presidential results roll in.

Is Obama President Yet?

2008-11-04T11:00:00.001-05:00

I'm going to keep checking this site today!

Civil Duty

2008-11-04T07:58:00.004-05:00

Dear Stew Readers (all 20 of you.)

Today I took a personal day. I got up nice and early and went to my polling place to find some neighbors who could direct me to a volunteer need. Locally they have more volunteers than they even need. I believe "glut" was the word they used. So instead, I'm going to go north to a smaller, more rural district at about noon. They are lacking volunteers, and frankly, I'm hoping we can do more good there anyway. I know people in my neighborhood are voting Obama almost without exception. Up there? Not so much.

I'm really, really excited about what may happen today. Please please please let it be Obama. Locally, let's get Dole out of Washington in favor of Kay Hagan (who, btw, advocates for raw milk!)

And please let it be No on Prop 8 in California, as well as No on Prop 4. And I'm begging that South Dakota reject Measure 11. And in Colorado, please quash Amendment 48. Arizona, keep your constitution off the rights of the queer brothers and sisters I stand up with.

I'm sure there are more ballot measures that I oppose or support, but for me right now, it's time to get ready for action here in NC.

Love,
Stew

Stewie picked a peck of...

2008-10-31T11:52:00.004-04:00

We've had a couple of frosty nights, and at least one hard freeze already. Look what I had to rescue today. I had bad luck with peppers last year, so this is really a haul! Of course I wish I could have left these on the plant to all ripen, but I'm certainly glad that I got them at all. Yay!

NOT YET

2008-10-30T04:12:00.004-04:00

I have an early gig at a school today, so I have to get up earlier than normal. Some part of my brain decided that meant that 4 a.m. was time to get up.

Dear Body,
This IS NOT OK. Get back to sleep, NOW.
Love,
Stew

Dear Stew,
OK, ok, but you know I thought I smelled coffee, and I'm hungry! And what if I don't get up in time? Better early than oversleeping, you know.
Love,
Your Body

Dear Body,
There is no reason to be so concerned about oversleeping. It's not an airplane, it's an early class at a school. Time's a wasting--you have about an hour and ten minutes left of sleep.
Love,
Stew.

Dear Stew,
Put away the damned computer so I can sleep!
Love,
Body

(Goodnight)

Before and After

2008-10-26T08:30:00.002-04:00

Noon

4 p.m.

Someone Must Have Died or How I Came to Own All This Yarn.

2008-10-24T13:35:00.004-04:00

Let's give an inventory, shall we?

7 purple mohair (97%)
15 army green mohair (97%)
10 purple/blue/green mohair (97%)
9 pink/blue/gray mohair (97%)
7 camel mohair (97%)
4 red mohair (97%)
1 buff mohair (97%)
1 pink/orange/purple mohair (97%)
7 off white nubby 100% wool
18 red wool eyelash* 100% wool
13 dark teal eyelash* 100% wool
1 red shoelace-weave 100% wool
1 dark teal shoelace-weave 100% wool
4 light teal shoelace-weave 100% wool
1 dark teal 50% alpaca/50%wool blend
1 lime alapaca/wool blend
6 black/blue 100% wool
2 bone cotton/silk/linen nubby
5 hot pink cotton nubby
2 black traditional eyelash
1 light pink traditional eyelash
1 light blue cotton and eyelash

All skeins of European provenance and 50g weight. Mostly French and German.
Total skeins= 118
Average cost of skein (conservative) $8.00
Total cost if purchased new and separately= $944.

What do you think I paid?

*Not eyelash, exactly, but not normal, either. It's like shoelace woven on one side, and loops on the other side.

Camp

2008-10-22T12:42:00.006-04:00

There's a whole lotta campin' going on.

Last weekend I made a trip up to Lake James State Park with a few friends. Rained like crazy Friday night, and got a bit chilly Saturday night. My hair still smells of woodsmoke, even through four washings.

This is my s'more face:

I also managed to trip on the fire pit grate while trying to walk around it. Fearing that I'd land face-first in the fire (nice alliteration, eh?), I managed to throw myself in another direction. In doing so, a chunk of my epidermis ripped off my left palm. It was a clean separation that exposed a 1"x1"x1" (approx.) triangle of dermis. No bleeding, but man did it sting.

It's healing, but I fear a nice red scar:

I'm working this Friday and Saturday evening facilitating a youth group retreat. Around a campfire. They're gonna see my s'more face, and I'll end up smelling like beef jerky for another week.

Seriously

2008-10-16T18:03:00.006-04:00

Today I voted. I was voter number 1291, and my site had been open for about 8 hours. I took my time, double and triple checking to make sure I got everything right. I didn't expect to be nervous.

I pride myself on being a pretty informed voter. The judges always confound me, of course, but I have trustworthy advisers for that sort of thing. I was caught a bit off guard by a food tax initiative. Do I want a 1% prepared food tax, or do I not? I hadn't even heard of the issue. It was pretty clear to me even without knowing what it was about that no, I didn't want an additional tax on food. Food tax just seems wrong. I did check, though, with some of my neighbors, who were outside the polls with sample ballots. God, I love this town. My intuition was right--no food tax.

Normally when I vote, there aren't that many other people there. Today, maybe because it's the first day of early voting, I could barely fit into the polling place. There wasn't a long line, but voters were crammed into every little space. It was a bit chaotic, actually.

After the machine sucked in my completed ballot and the counter changed from 1290 to 1291, I took my sticker and walked back outside. I was surprised to notice the lump in my throat. I looked around at my neighbors. Not just the ones who live in the square mile or so that marks my immediate neighborhood, but at all the others who live in the city proper.

My eyes welled up. My city has mobilized, and it makes me proud to live here.

I'll wear my sticker tomorrow to the conference where I'm presenting. Every little bit helps, you know?

(Oh, and this:)

(And this)

Mom Menu

2008-10-15T19:43:00.002-04:00

My mumma's birthday is today! I called her from work when I was meeting with my cutiepie peer educator kiddos, who insisted they wanted to talk to her.

So she had a 10th grade boy and a 10th grade girl each ramble to her for a while. They are SO CUTE.

This is mom's dinner tonight. Can you figure out where she's going?
(I'm jealous)

Wednesday, October 15 $75
Hand-stretched mozzarella with late-season tomatoes and basil oil
Local swordfish involtini alla siciliana
Spit-roasted loin of Magruder Ranch California boar with shell beans and wild mushrooms
Meyer lemon granita with raspberry sherbet

How to Attract Your Soul Mate in 14 Easy Steps

2008-10-14T16:44:00.005-04:00

Today at work I was rooting around online looking for some free, ready-made lesson plans to address budgeting in a teen-parent household. I didn't find any good ones. Ah well.

However, one organization had a handout targeting at-risk youth, to help them during their search for love.

I copied it below, and there's a link to the PDF as well.

Do me a favor and read this advice. Keeping an open mind, what bits do you think are valuable, and which are crocks of shit? I want to hear from y'all!

How to Attract Your Soul Mate in 14 Easy Steps

1. Write down exactly what it is you want in a mate…every positive detail. Keep adding to the list as you think of new items.

2. Avoid the negatives and focus on the positives. List out what you want and don’t define what you don’t want.

3. Look in a mirror and tell yourself that you truly deserve her or him. Genuinely affirm this. Deep down in your subconscious you must absolutely believe it to receive it.

4. Feel this person is already a part of your life. He/she is with you at meal time,
exercising, sleeping. In the shower, affirm it. Driving to work, feel it.

5. Make vacation and party plans, movies too. Carry on as if this person was right there beside you. Plan your next apartment, the kind of car you will be driving together, along with the color and every other detail.

6. Wear a new bracelet or a rubber band as a reminder, switching wrists, so it doesn’t get stale. Every time you feel or look at the bracelet, reaffirm your feelings and thoughts. There is no limit to the number of times this can be done throughout your day. The more often, the better.

7. Place the list of your heart’s desire on the night stand. Morning and evening, place your hand over the list and feel the vibrations and that loving feeling.

8. Act as if you are in a restaurant. Place your order with the server. Once you have ordered, go on with your life comfortably certain that your meal will be delivered in due time. It’s the same in attracting your soul mate. Get your order in and then enjoy this creative experience. It’s all about the law of attraction. You will get what you think about regularly. It’s a law of nature.

9. Collect perfect moments. Revel in that special feeling that all too often happens once or twice in a lifetime to the average Homo Sapiens. Remember a time when your entire body tingled and you were transformed. Now use your mind and body to visualize and recall both the perfect moment and your heart’s desire. Feel this person as a part of you. Absorb him/her into your life in that perfect moment.

10. Smile! During each and every one of the above exercises and experiences, smile! Smiling has a magical power all its own. After all, you now are a very happy person who can feel the love of your life with them.

11. Carry a small “Mate Finder” stone. Rub it, and feel the positive vibrations. Visualize the look, smell, feel, touch and taste of your mate. Caress it and imagine the face of your soul mate. Look deeply into their eyes.

12. Remember this individual is also seeking you, so you need to get out there. See yourself as a powerful magnet drawing together two loving people…you and your soul mate.

13. It is VITAL that you act as if you have already found this person. This isn’t a hope or dream, it’s reality. What you need to do is actively participate in attracting this person. This will only work if you feel it as deeply as you would something that has already happened. Give thanks regularly for this.

14. One cannot sit home and wait. This is an activity so get out there!

From this publication.

Jodines!

2008-10-12T13:52:00.000-04:00

OMG.

Y'all, I got a comment a couple of days ago from one of my most favoritest people in the universe, and definitely my favorite Catalana, Marta.

I met Marta when I was living in Barcelona, over 10 years ago now. (Vaya, como pasa volando el tiempo*...) We didn't hang out in Barcelona. Not much, anyway. We met towards the end of my year living there, when she found out that she'd be coming to my university on an exchange. I didn't have anyone to live with, and she had no idea about getting an apartment in a foreign country. A match made in heaven.

Seriously, Marta and I had exactly zero conflict when we were sharing a townhouse. Things just fell into place. I was messy; she straightened up after me. I liked to cook, so Marta ate what I made. Marta and I drove up to Michigan and stayed with my family, who loved her.

Loved.

Somewhere there are some photos from that time. My twin nephews, now 10, were infants, and we spent a gorgeous afternoon on a blanket in the front yard of my mom and Pete's house. The cherry tree was in bloom, and we were blanketed in pink petals. Truly a perfect moment.

I'm glad she found me here.

Marta, espero que sepas lo importante que me has sido y que sigues siendo. Aunque estamos en paises distintos, y a pesar de que solo hablamos cada dos años, yo sé que puedo contar contigo para cualquier cosa que necesite. Y también, que tú puedes contar conmigo. Es una amistad que tiene raices fuertes, y te lo agradezco. Mil besos, cariño.

*My how time flies.

Making Do

2008-10-11T18:00:00.003-04:00

My housemate went Krogering and locked me out. Hrm. Looking around, I'm OK as far as food goes. The garden has a few tomatoes, numerous peppers, chard, and a few young lettuce leaves. I have access to water, and also a soda I accidentally left on the porch.

It's getting cold. Housemate left a bathroom rug out to dry last week, so that could supplement my shorts and t-shirt. I also have a plastic tarp, and I could burrow down into the wood chip mulch for warmth. It's kind of fluffy, so I expect it would be insulating. Actually, I wonder how hot my compost pile is?

Really, though, the bigger issue is that I'm beginning to have to pee.

Just for Jerry. And birders.

2008-10-10T12:25:00.004-04:00

Another Bubba post, but no pictures this time. (Ed: How's a video?)

.

I just wrote this email to my lovely housemate:

This is kind of funny. I've been working in the yard all day, and came across some of the Bubster's poop in the backyard. It had all of these smooth things in it that kind of looked like roaches or beetles, only not moving.

I was stumped.

Until! I remembered that it's persimmon season. Out in the woods, persimmon trees grow wild--in the fall, they ripen up and fall off the trees. They're really really yummy and sweet, unless they're not ripe. If you bite into one too soon, they're....astringent would be the best word. They make your mouth pucker up and feel dry. It's not like your reaction to something sour. Hard to explain. If you know what alum is (I don't expect you do!), that's the exact sensation.

Anyway, Bubba's been eating persimmons. Check out this link and scroll down to see what's in his poop!

There's nothing wrong with him eating them in general, I don't think, but they may be what's been messing up his tummy.

*********

In other news, I went birding this morning and got a lifer! (I am not a "twitcher", for the record. And what a bizarre term!)

This is the first time this fall I've even seen any true migrants. Actually, it's the first time I've seen any warblers since I went to Michigan. I even had to pull out the Sibley's. That's been rare this year. For what it's worth, the lifer was a male Black-throated Green Warbler. The other cool ones were a female Black-throated Blue Warbler, and a couple of Black and White Warblers.

What a great day so far

I Know, I know.

2008-10-08T21:04:00.004-04:00

Bubba's got the sneezies. He's not typically particularly cuddly, but right now he's being the cutest dog in the whole wide world. He's lying next to me on the couch, with his head on my foot. If I stop petting him, he nudges me. Makes it hard to type, but oh, my is it worth it!

I think he liked it when we played dressup yesterday. That's probably why he's loving on me today. Hot pink really favors him, don't you agree?

Yay to the Bubs.

Hrm

2008-10-06T19:07:00.002-04:00

Wailing. From the general direction a neighborhood house. I can't tell if it's sex, torture or deep grief. I'd bet it's one of the second two. When my roommate comes out to listen, the noise stops. And then it begins again. It's intermittent, and I've never heard this sort of thing before here.

What would you do?

I called 911 about 5 minutes ago, after discussing with my housemate once again. Better safe than sorry, right? Cops are here, brb.

OK, I told the officer what was going on, and he's going to go check it out. Oh. Just got backup. I was going to go inside, but now I think I'm going to stay out here on the porch and live-blog this event. They're talking to a guy in the house I think the noise was coming from. I think they've gone inside, but it's hard to tell for sure. OK, now one of the inhabitants of the house is out on the front lawn talking to the cops. It's quiet, no fuss. I feel kind of bad for calling, but it looks like everything is OK. At least calm.

I wish I didn't feel bad about calling. I mean, either it's nothing or it's serious, right? And either way it should be the right thing to do, right?

The cops are leaving now, and there doesn't seem to be any fallout.

OK, cops came by to give me a heads up. Turns out the neighbor is in severe distress about a life situation and was just crying very loudly. Poor thing.

Cop's quote: "They're glad to have good neighbors."

I hope so.

Projects on my mind

2008-10-05T12:49:00.004-04:00

I have a neat idea, and I'd like some technical support, please.

Psuedo Greenhouse.

There's a nice porch on my house that runs the entire width of the front (See Photo). We don't use much of it, and I'd love to section off maybe 1/4 of it, on the south side, and make it into a very very low-tech greenhouse. The south side of the house runs roughly parallel with the driveway. So what we're talking about here is the area from the garbage can over to halfway between the first two iron pillars from the right.

I'm thinking right now that I could just attach vinyl sheeting from the overhang to the floor alongside the south and west edges (using a staple gun, maybe?), and then put up a tension rod and a heavy duty shower curtain. If I use a tension rod and shower curtain method, it would allow easy access via the porch. I'm not sure if that description made sense.

My excellent tape measure has gone temporarily missing, though, and it's driving me bonkers. I can't measure! The depth of the porch is about 6 feet (72 inches, or approx 2 meters), and the height to the bottom of the overhang looks about 8 feet.

Here are the basic questions I have for you. Keep in mind that I rent.

How do I effectively deal with the wind? I don't want strong gusts to blow everything down. This would be more an issue with the south and west sides than the tension rod side. Something I just considered would be attaching hooks into the overhang and use shower curtains there, too. That way they'd detach easily, so that if we have high winds I can just take them down. The added bonus to this possibility would be that I could buy fabric shower curtains to put up in the heat of the summer, providing both shade and privacy from the street.
How could I anchor the sheeting on the bottom? I don't want the bottom to be flapping around, but neither do I want to increase the stability so much that the sheeting will act like a sail. (See above re: wind.)
What other issues am I not taking into consideration? I'm not much of a planner, and I do want to avoid having to re-do the entire project. For instance, when I laid out my raised beds, I overestimated the amount of sun they got. One of my next major projects may be moving them (ugh!) a ways down into the driveway, which is much sunnier.

In other news, Project Front Yard is coming along nicely. That big ole mound of woodchips you can see if the photo has been spread over an expanse of cardboard, which should be killing the Bermuda grass in an excellent way. The entire south side of the front yard is now mulched, and the north side has a pleasing curved bed. As soon as I get more cardboard, I plan to also kill/mulch along the south side of the house. There's some nasty tall grass that I can't seem to keep under control.

Oh, another question: What your opinion about Round Up? I have a section in the backyard that is extremely overrun with blackberries and invasive honeysuckle. There's a stump under it all, so I can't mow over it. Will the Round Up leach into the soil and kill other stuff, or is it a valid way to clear the area?

Whew. OK, thanks.

I do love the SNL commentary on the election...

2008-10-05T09:23:00.002-04:00

Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill is just genious. And I shouldn't have to mention that Tina Fey must be a national hero by now...

Poor Bubbabub.

2008-10-02T14:36:00.006-04:00

Bubba is a rescue dog, and like most still has some demons. It makes me sad when I see them come out, and it even chokes me up, thinking of that past life Bubba had with some horrible person who treated him badly.

Does this happen to anyone else--a sad animal story gets you outright teary, but hearing about two kids locked in a 135 F car who later die just kind of makes you shake your head in disgust? I wonder if that's about outrage fatigue.* I feel guilty that I get more emotionally involved with pet abuse stories than people abuse stories.

Back to Bubba. His mom was out for the evening earlier this week, and I was Bubbasitting (in other words, I was home). Bub is so very very mild-mannered that he only occasionally barks. Only when he thinks something is at the door. Typically, he moves slowly, and doesn't make much of a fuss. Well, Bubster came over to me at one point that evening, and he was dancing around, jumping up in the air and pointing to the door. I thought he was going to bite my pants and drag me to the back door!

He bolted out the door to eat grass, barely letting me clip on the leash. Baby boy has had some tummy troubles recently, and when he needed to puke, by golly, he was going to be thoughtful enough to get a person to let him outside to do it, already! (He's done the same when he was sick with diarrhea a few weeks before this incident. Good Bubba.)

Seriously, how wonderful is that? Asking to be LET OUT to vomit. Good Bubba. Good Boy.

Here's the thing, though. Bubba's mom thinks that Bubba is getting into the trash at a friend's house. And that garbage gut is what's been causing his gastric distress.

Well, last night I caught Bubba in our trash. Trash that had contained raw chicken for over 24 hours. I caught Bubs in the act, and so I clapped loudly, sternly saying "Bubba NO!"

This is where I cried.

See, Bubba's reaction to my loud voice and the clap was to skitter away, cowering as though I was going to hit him. He didn't look just a little guilty. He hid. His tail was curled under, and he contorted his body so that the blows he thought where inevitable would land on his back, not his belly or flank.

Poor Bubba.

His flinch reflex is so strong that all it takes is me reaching up to adjust my hair for him have a similar reaction. Same thing happens with his mom. Poor sweet loveydo.

I made sure to lavish love on him as soon as I could after scolding him. I came out and paid him extra attention over the evening, even lying down on the floor to pet him. (The floor is hard.) Eventually we ended up both on the ground, sharing the same pillow with our heads, my arm around him. Sweet Bubba.

Of course Mom will always be preferred. Shortly after he cuddled with me, he jumped up on the couch with her.

Sweet Bubba, keep healing.

*Wow. The first time I heard the expression I immediately identified with the sentiment. I had no idea that The Onion coined or at least popularized the term.

Random Stew

2008-09-27T14:20:00.004-04:00

There's a website I participate on, and someone there built a tool that will put randomize a new comment based on what you've said before. I've decided to create a post with it. (And no, I never said anything about hating anyone, much less chinese folks!)
***********

Cried. Couldn't finish it. Can someone point me to an ophthalmologist anyway... I was just overwhelming. Ramps are almost in season! Make ramp ice cream! Well, if y'all had fun! Oooooh. Warblers make me cringe. Hm. Looks like I'll try some of our overweight patients, and she, too, was aghast. Yes, she knows he's an excellent driver. She knows that there's no problem with. A is my dream. I just made me gag. Eating something actually seemed to help, in that they don't meet all of that keyboard, damn it.

I am so sad I missed this. Though I did it. It soothed me, that I saw my own 11/12. I felt like nothing will work. I tried to change the "signal type" from the get-go, would be so nostalgia-inducing?? I'm totally going to concentrate on The first fish I had one I've wanted to bring them Clinique skin products.

Thank you thank you! I am bothered by the tight clasp the clapper had. Thanks for reminding me how much I like to use, and they need to also." "It's not safe to leave the doors unlocked." "The door needs to be allergy related. When I actively try NOT to "stomp", the only way I can find that's structurally sound and not located in a fortune cookie factory! I actually hate old Chinese people!

(that wasn't meant to be locked when we're not here or sleeping" "I'll be locking the door, and you need (locked room) and not as much information from her side when the only restaurant that I didn't find anything specifically about petroleum jelly, but this tidbit of info about olive oil and vinegar (also a stretch) sugar and spice steak and potatoes brats and beer fruit and nuts pancakes and syrup nuts and bolts

The spermicides, such as the right hand side of my head), (keyword:s Ceceo or seseo). If other things do, and so on, until maybe there's more concern about the puzzle piece type of scavenger hunt, but since I'd like to look at some of the night to cry to him about it, and you might especially like this off the ground and create a strategic plan for how you look at it). Hound the landlord. Explain that the constant NPR in the world than her looks.

I just dabbed a bit creeped out.

I second birding. You can flip if you have to. Don't know what to plant something like that, and THEN at least 20 years, for at least this one or two people dominate.

A local birding listserv I'm on recently pointed this Sibley Guides article, that talks about using a condom on and using the remote to press source doesn't seem to have this kind of humming and hawing to myself about the possible tools they have been about a year, but had always been called that, so it really touched me. I was so freaked out.

So seriously, the saltines with some folks on the back. Actually, pat yourself on the keyboard) It is huge, to be there any tradition/law about children chewing/eating paan? (Sorry for such ignorance on my wrists and rubbed them together.

(this is the best one, i think:)

I wanna experience an earthquake! Not too bad of one, half dozen of the gym-teacher style. Wiith pork chop pockets! And a cold sweat and puking. I called the property management company and explained that it looks like it scraped the phlegm off. Currently I have to act on it.

Solve this mystery!

2008-09-25T07:29:00.003-04:00

Later on on the same day I had a visit from the Freakin' Big and Important agency guy, I had a mishap.

What do you think happened? I'd love to hear your conjecture!

I wouldn't hire him...

2008-09-23T17:08:00.006-04:00

You just never ever know what you're going to find around here. Today has been a GEM! I was outside watching Bubba rolling around, thinking I was videotaping him, when a guy came up my driveway.

(Now, I'm going to avoid certain words, so use your imagination to fill in the blanks.)

It was an older gentleman, dressed in a suit and tie, holding a badge open. You know, the kind that you hold horizontally and it shows your picture? And your title? And the agency that employs you?

Yeah. In this case the organization sending him around was from the USA, not the state. A BIG and IMPORTANT agency. The kind that gets called when certain lines get crossed. Like the line between Virginia and North Carolina, for example. Yah. That one.

Anyhoo, he told me he was looking for info on a woman who'd lived nearby--nothing nefarious had gone on, though. It was a pre-employment thing. So he was checking her out.

I had the computer open, taping. Or well, I thought I did. But I didn't. Which I did eventually realize. And fix. As you can see. Unfortunately, I messed up turning the tape on two different times, so I missed the best parts. Like the ID, which I had him take out to look at closely several times. And his explanation of what he did--in a nutshell, he's not the guy with a curly thing attached to his ear and wearing these:

No, he had a more mundane title, though that doesn't make the encounter any less bizarre.

Here you have it, with bonus Bubba goodness. Bubba, who brings out the love in everyone.

LOVE HIM! (Where I got the intonation I used to say that in this video is beyond me.)

Landscaping and illness blow-by-blow

2008-09-21T11:36:00.006-04:00

Oy.

Still sick. This has been a doozy of an illness. First, last Thursday I all-but collapsed in a Catholic church in a far-flung bedroom community of our state capital. I lay in their infirmary for a couple of hours, letting someone else deliver the presentation I'd so carefully spent days preparing in Spanish. Then the aforementioned fever, coughing, sniffly, sneezy, body aches, etc. set in over the weekend.

On Monday I went in to work because I had some stuff to do that I could *not* put off. Then I went home after lunch. Tuesday I stayed home rather than drive to a meeting two hours away. This meeting was mandatory if I wanted to be able to apply for a big grant. Nobody else in my organization could go with such short notice. The funders allowed for no flexibility at all. No grant, I guess.

Wednesday I worked, since the fever was gone, though I had no voice. There were another couple things I couldn't cancel. I worked some Thursday, too, because we had a big (BIG) fundraiser I was obligated to attend--this despite the clogged ear which I suspect has blossomed into an ear-infection. Friday I recuperated some, and borrowed an LCD projector from a colleague at another organization. Yesterday I volunteered at the farm tour for a few hours, but I'm making no attempt today to go visit any other farms I could go see with my free entry pass. Sad. I am wearing the t-shirt, though. Such nice organic cotton.

Instead of going to farms, I'm working again today. From home, but still. It's not too bad. I'm just practicing hooking my computer up to and using an LCD projector. I've had to mooch a cable converter (thank god for neighborhood listservs and a tight community). The one I got wasn't the correct one, but I have a lead on another. Once I have the projector figured out, I also have to go pick up some gift cards and finish up a project. Concurrently I'm catching up on housework. The dishes and laundry sure piled up quickly.

I have a big project I've had to put off because of this illness. See, I'm kind of sick of my front yard being so boring and grassy. I want flowers, dangnabbit! I happened along a big ole' pile of shredded hardwood for free, which is sitting on my front lawn.

See?

Actually, it's not quite like this anymore. I've laid down cardboard on much of the front left (from your point of view--out of visibility of the picture for the most part), and heaped the mulch over the cardboard. There's a strip along the sidewalk, and the azaleas and camellia have been weeded and covered with mulch as well. I expanded the mulching in front of the porch quite a bit, making a sort of arc. This will brew over the winter, and then come spring, the grass will all be dead and ready for perennial planting.

Now I have to figure out a plan to keep the newly-landscaped area full of blooms throughout all seasons.

This is confounding me slightly. Here are some of the possibilities:

Spring:
Bulbs?

Summer:
Creeping thyme carpet
Daisies, black-eyed susans, echinacea

Fall:
Mums
Asters

Winter
Um...?

All year:
Rosemary
Sage (?)

Any suggestions?

For Cristin with looooove

2008-09-16T16:05:00.002-04:00

My girl Cristin rocks. She just came by with tortilla soup from a local restaurant, Dunkin' Donuts and DVDs.

Hell yes.

On persistence

2008-09-16T09:57:00.006-04:00

This guy was a casualty of a front yard landscaping project I'm in the middle of. He wasn't an intentional plant, though he's quite handsome. I thought about trying to save him, but there are just so many weeds I wanted to get rid of, and so he was a sacrifice for the greater good.

His foliage is just about dead, as you can see, but he keeps blooming every morning.

(I need a new camera. This one sucks)

Fever all through the night

2008-09-15T16:04:00.005-04:00

You know you're dealing with a real fever when delirium sets in. This wikipedia entry, accessed by hitting the "random" button, made me laugh my ass off. On the inside, though. No out-loud laughing occurred. My body is too busy sweating for me to actually say something using my vocal cords.

Except maybe a ROAR.

The entry is SO empty. Why does it exist?

What do you think--should I add this photo to the wikipedia entry? I'm partial to a caption like "This is a Lion. Lions roar."

Oh my god, there's a mnemonic device for the causes of delirium, and the acronym is

I W A T C H D E A T H.

Quick: Here's a photo of Bubba-Love.

Lion photo by very very Former Roommate The Good One. (aka Randall)
Bubba picture by me.

At least I've not had the pulsating-human-organ-on-the-side-of-the-road dream. That's more like 103-104 territory.

2008-09-14T19:36:00.005-04:00

Ugh. I'm so cold. And yet, it's >78ºF inside. And oh, wait, now I'm HOT.

In other news:

* Sneezing.
* Gacking up lotsa nasty mucosa.
* Have decided that neti pots only work if your sinuses aren't swollen shut.
* A supply of disposable facial tissues at all times is now mandatory.
* Am beautiful. (see blelow)
* I found generic sleep medicine to be cheaper per unit than the same medicine marketed as an antihistamine.

100ºF is a ripoff fever. Not high enough for sympathy, yet not low enough to feel well.

(I'm also rather melodramatic--but I think that's because I'm kind of wanting someone to take care of me right about now.)

Hulu Crap.

2008-09-12T20:57:00.002-04:00

Not in a bad way. In the "OMG, I can't believe I didn't know about this!" way.

Best dog name, ever.

2008-09-12T08:22:00.006-04:00

I'm always pretty embarrassed after I vomit out something particularly maudlin onto this blog. Usually I try to move on to the next post as soon as possible, because pushing it down off the page at least hides it from me for a while.

I've been pretty unmotivated to post for the last long while though. ME! Queen of the overpost!

Ah well.

Unmentionables and skeletons

2008-09-08T09:05:00.011-04:00

Let's see if you can follow this trail:

I spent three years just after college teaching at a private school in NY. I ended up there for a few reasons--I needed a job, my boyfriend had attended the school before so I had a connection, and I couldn't imagine being prepared for any career other than teaching Spanish. I got the job, so voila. This was very much a reactive situation rather than proactive.

SO. Enter Facebook, again. The same boyfriend from that era had a close group of friends up there, and I plugged into the posse somewhat. I spent time with one woman in particular, really. She's not on Facebook, but another of the group is. He and I met maybe 3-5 times back then, and have talked more on Facebook than we ever did in real life.

He contacted me this weekend and asked if I'd been in a community theater show in 1995.

No. Not that I remember, anyway.

He wrote back and said, well, there are some pictures up here that I'd swear are you. They look like you and are even captioned with your name. He tagged me in one of them so I could have a look-see myself.

Sure enough, it was me. Three pictures, in fact. I tagged myself in the rest of them and messaged the poster, who'd been the director, I think. Haven't heard back yet, but I really wonder how he knew it was me. Shit, I didn't even remember until I saw the pictures. I'm looking forward to his response.

My time up in NY was one of the lower points in my life. I had few friends and less money. I lived on campus at this swank and very traditional boarding school, and was muddling through a long-distance relationship that really had ended some time before. Or should have, anyway. Teaching took a great toll on me--so much grading. So little time. Absolutely no training. Barely three years difference between me and my oldest students.

I'd be in the cafeteria at 5 a.m. and asleep by 8 or 9. I lived with two roommates and three cats. That's when my allergies really developed.

Signs of depression I wish I'd noticed:

Driving myself to the ER in the middle of the night because I didn't want to bother my roommates.
Extreme exhaustion.
Considering therapy for the first time ever, but rejecting it because of stigma.
Hanging desperately on to an unhealthy relationship.
Retail therapy.
Isolation.
So many painful and negative opinions about myself and my abilities.
Overreaction.
Personalizing situations that weren't personal.

Looking back, I don't know how I did it. I was a real mess, and this wasn't the first time. I'd seen the same behaviors and thoughts through most of my life, but they'd come and go in stages.

Over many years, with experience and much therapy, I've conquered or at least improved the ways I handle my life's challenges. I stand up for myself, I believe I am a good person, I can identify my own unhealthy reactions. I ask for help when I need it. I recognize that I've had some pretty rough times and survived them.

However, old habits die hard. I'm still isolated. I still feel unworthy. I feel like I've failed myself in many ways. I don't feel any of these ways all the time. But in my heart, deep down, I'm still not mended.

I cry for the young woman below who looks so happy but was so sad. I wonder if she'll ever really recover.

p.s. What's that SACK of a dress, anyway??

What a great deal!

2008-09-06T12:47:00.004-04:00

I'd say I'm frugal-minded but not too financially savvy. Can't see the forest for the trees, as they say. I'm not at all prepared for Old Age, and the very fact that I'm thinking about it makes me feel old.

Which I know makes no sense, as far as financial planning goes. But there you have it.

Part of this situation is due to the fact that my chosen career path is hardly lucrative, to say the least. Add in an expensive education and copious medical expenses, and I'm usually pretty broke.

However, I recently had an epiphany and made a financial move that I'm finally comfortable to make, and which will save me approximately $4100 a year in taxes, while adding almost that much again into long-term savings.

Pretty sweet, no?

Wherz mah bukkit?

2008-09-06T05:36:00.003-04:00

Argh. Drip Drip Drip woke me up. It could be a lot lot worse, but my bathroom ceiling has leaked a few times now. I'm guessing it's the roof?

Since I'm up, I think I'm gonna have some waffles.

Nom nom nom.